Sing Out This Song I'll Be There By Your Side, Storm Clouds May Gather, And Stars May Collide, But I Love You Until The End Of Time
--"Come What May", Moulin Rouge Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
Hey it is -----, I don't know why I am telling you this but I am telling everyone I can so I think I am just doing it, but Mom died on feb 27 and we had her services on march 2nd. I know it won't affect you either way but at least tell your mom and thank her for everything that she did for my mom while we were together.
Bye, -----
I received that e-mail in the first week of March, but, due to an ex-girlfriend's not knowing that I'd switched e-mail addresses, I didn't actually read it until last night. At first I felt bad that I hadn't been able to at least respond one way or another to the e-mail. I mean--if somebody tells you their mother just died you don't stay silent. It betrays the confidence somehow. In that situation they're waiting for you to respond, they want you to respond I think. And if you do not, then it's like you missed the point. It's on the same level as somebody telling you that she loves you. If you stay silent, she might as well as have said nothing at all. You've got to have a reaction. You've got to go to an extreme to let them know that the news has affected you just as much as her. She wants other people to feel the loss with her. In this case, I think my ex wanted me to at least say something nice about her mom even if short to let her know that I too would miss her. I felt really bad that I couldn't give that to her.
The thing is I can't separate how bad I feel about her mom being gone to how bad I feel that I don't feel more about it. I've searched my emotions and I've come to the conclusion that, while I am very sad she's gone, I don't know if I would go so far as to say it has affected me tremendously. Maybe the impact has yet to make its mark, maybe some memory will re-ignite a couple of days or weeks from now and I'll realize what a loss it really is. I spent most of today thinking of some of my most happy memories spent in my ex's mother's company. I thought about the days and nights I spent at their home. I tried to remember some of the conversations we had. But the truth is, unlike my times with the actual ex, I do not have one instance I can point to as the shining moment I will always remember. Like I said, it could merely be the idea that the reality hasn't set in yet.
What I really believe, though, is that simply don't care as much as I used to. I've talked to my ex exactly once on the phone in the last two years. I've maybe sent four or five e-mails in that time. Yes, there was a time I thought I would spend my entire life with her, but slowly that future faded. There was a time when my first thought upon hearing that kind of news I would have flown to wherever she's living right now to make sure she was okay. I don't just mean while we were together, but we managed to remain some sort of friends for a few years after we'd broken up. As little as two years ago I could very well have been writing this at her house, staying with her, to make sure she was going to be okay. I don't know if she would have liked that, hated it, or been indifferent to the idea. I can only tell you how strongly I felt we were and what kind of action was normal for me at that time.
I think perhaps, though, there is a statute of limitations on how close you feel to a person after you stop seeing them in your life everyday. It doesn't matter how close you were at one time. It doesn't matter what you may have meant to one another at one time. It doesn't even matter that you made promises to always be in each other's life.
I liked her mom. I really did. She was always nice to me up to the point I stopped being nice to her daughter. She humored a lot of irresponsible, annoying, and definitely immature displays by me all because her daughter, at one time, was rather fond of me. However, the minute her daughter decided to end all contact with me, I may as well have been dead to her and she, for me. It's not her fault. That's just the way it is. My ex connected us together. Once that link was severed there was no reason for us to remain close.
Am I a bad person for not being overly upset she passed away? I feel like I am but I can't muster up feelings that simply aren't there. It's true what they say, you can never go back to how you used to feel. There was a time, because I loved and was so in love with my ex, I grew to love her mom as well.
However, love doesn't last forever--at least not for me.
when I wrote to you about my mom dying I went back and reread it days later and realized how angry it sounded at you, nothing personal but I am just kinda of pissed at the world right now, however I at least expected you to write back and acknowledge the fact that my mom is gone, I am suprised that you didn't at least do that for everything she did for you while she was alive and for what, once upon a time, a friend you used to be for me. Wow Pat I am not mad at you really, I am more softly shocked than anything, but you never cease to amaze me.
-----
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
Hey it is -----, I don't know why I am telling you this but I am telling everyone I can so I think I am just doing it, but Mom died on feb 27 and we had her services on march 2nd. I know it won't affect you either way but at least tell your mom and thank her for everything that she did for my mom while we were together.Bye, -----
I received that e-mail in the first week of March, but, due to an ex-girlfriend's not knowing that I'd switched e-mail addresses, I didn't actually read it until last night. At first I felt bad that I hadn't been able to at least respond one way or another to the e-mail. I mean--if somebody tells you their mother just died you don't stay silent. It betrays the confidence somehow. In that situation they're waiting for you to respond, they want you to respond I think. And if you do not, then it's like you missed the point. It's on the same level as somebody telling you that she loves you. If you stay silent, she might as well as have said nothing at all. You've got to have a reaction. You've got to go to an extreme to let them know that the news has affected you just as much as her. She wants other people to feel the loss with her. In this case, I think my ex wanted me to at least say something nice about her mom even if short to let her know that I too would miss her. I felt really bad that I couldn't give that to her.
The thing is I can't separate how bad I feel about her mom being gone to how bad I feel that I don't feel more about it. I've searched my emotions and I've come to the conclusion that, while I am very sad she's gone, I don't know if I would go so far as to say it has affected me tremendously. Maybe the impact has yet to make its mark, maybe some memory will re-ignite a couple of days or weeks from now and I'll realize what a loss it really is. I spent most of today thinking of some of my most happy memories spent in my ex's mother's company. I thought about the days and nights I spent at their home. I tried to remember some of the conversations we had. But the truth is, unlike my times with the actual ex, I do not have one instance I can point to as the shining moment I will always remember. Like I said, it could merely be the idea that the reality hasn't set in yet.
What I really believe, though, is that simply don't care as much as I used to. I've talked to my ex exactly once on the phone in the last two years. I've maybe sent four or five e-mails in that time. Yes, there was a time I thought I would spend my entire life with her, but slowly that future faded. There was a time when my first thought upon hearing that kind of news I would have flown to wherever she's living right now to make sure she was okay. I don't just mean while we were together, but we managed to remain some sort of friends for a few years after we'd broken up. As little as two years ago I could very well have been writing this at her house, staying with her, to make sure she was going to be okay. I don't know if she would have liked that, hated it, or been indifferent to the idea. I can only tell you how strongly I felt we were and what kind of action was normal for me at that time.
I think perhaps, though, there is a statute of limitations on how close you feel to a person after you stop seeing them in your life everyday. It doesn't matter how close you were at one time. It doesn't matter what you may have meant to one another at one time. It doesn't even matter that you made promises to always be in each other's life.
I liked her mom. I really did. She was always nice to me up to the point I stopped being nice to her daughter. She humored a lot of irresponsible, annoying, and definitely immature displays by me all because her daughter, at one time, was rather fond of me. However, the minute her daughter decided to end all contact with me, I may as well have been dead to her and she, for me. It's not her fault. That's just the way it is. My ex connected us together. Once that link was severed there was no reason for us to remain close.
Am I a bad person for not being overly upset she passed away? I feel like I am but I can't muster up feelings that simply aren't there. It's true what they say, you can never go back to how you used to feel. There was a time, because I loved and was so in love with my ex, I grew to love her mom as well.
However, love doesn't last forever--at least not for me.
when I wrote to you about my mom dying I went back and reread it days later and realized how angry it sounded at you, nothing personal but I am just kinda of pissed at the world right now, however I at least expected you to write back and acknowledge the fact that my mom is gone, I am suprised that you didn't at least do that for everything she did for you while she was alive and for what, once upon a time, a friend you used to be for me. Wow Pat I am not mad at you really, I am more softly shocked than anything, but you never cease to amaze me.
-----
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
posted by mojo shivers @ 11:30 PM
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