But I Can't Live Forever, I Can't Always Breathe, One Day I'll Be Sand On A Beach By A Sea
--"Calendar Girl", Stars
I was talking with one of my friends today and she made some off-hand remark about how it's 2007 already and asked if I could still remember the things were important to me this time ten years ago. I thought about it and I started to remember a few--working at the bookstore, talking to Breanne, this close to graduating, breaking up with Tara. However, one thought stuck at me that it actually shocked me to remember. It was 1997 that my show, my favorite show of all time, Avonlea went off the air.
To this day, there have been shows I liked and even gotten involved deeply into, but nothing so earth-shattering as Avonlea. Even seeing pictures or hearing the damn theme song makes me well up because all I have are good memories of that show. From romanticizing the countryside, to the manner of the dress, and especially the way people conversed, I gleaned a lot of my personality and mannerisms from watching that show.
It really saddens me to think that it's been ten years since I watched a fresh episode and that it has become so pushed back in my thoughts when it occupied so many of them only a decade earlier. There was a time when everything I did had something to do with the show. I started writing poetry because I wanted to capture the feel of the period in a way reminescent of it. I started writing lengthier and lengthier stories because I had an idea for an episode and it just couldn't be done in a short story. I met Jina because we both once held a passion for it. I turned down going to NYU partly because it would have been more difficult to work my schedule around being able to watch the show. I dressed, talked, and started thinking along the same lines as people on the show. I was like an Avonlea zombie and I didn't mind because I recognized it for what it was, a quality program about a simpler and more idealized time.
the pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
and I'll laugh about all that we've lost
I don't know--some people have religion to put their faith into. Some people have a cause or a charity that renews their spirit and makes them feel good about themselves. Some people have their friends or family to give meaning to their life. Some people have their jobs or hobbies to validate their life.
I had Avonlea.
Not having it and the slow diet of it from my thoughts has affected me for the worse, I think. It occupied a space that I never knew was vacant before. It gave me hope, happiness, and a reason to believe in the intangible things. I didn't have to imagine what bliss looked like. It looked like that small village on Prince Edward Island. I remember thinking while I was watching the show that if I could be half as content and fulfilled as the people on that show seemed to be, then I would have lived a full and rich life. The empty feeling, the dissatisfaction I occasionally falter through, has a lot to do with its leaving.
It's more than like a friend dying. Not having the show to console me and guide me is like a constant reminder that all good things come to an end and that I won't be around someday either. It was on the air for seven years... and now it's been off of the air for ten. It really starts me thinking how many more years I have before they pull the plug on me.
It was my religion and now I have nothing to really believe in.
Goddamn, I miss that show.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
I was talking with one of my friends today and she made some off-hand remark about how it's 2007 already and asked if I could still remember the things were important to me this time ten years ago. I thought about it and I started to remember a few--working at the bookstore, talking to Breanne, this close to graduating, breaking up with Tara. However, one thought stuck at me that it actually shocked me to remember. It was 1997 that my show, my favorite show of all time, Avonlea went off the air.To this day, there have been shows I liked and even gotten involved deeply into, but nothing so earth-shattering as Avonlea. Even seeing pictures or hearing the damn theme song makes me well up because all I have are good memories of that show. From romanticizing the countryside, to the manner of the dress, and especially the way people conversed, I gleaned a lot of my personality and mannerisms from watching that show.
It really saddens me to think that it's been ten years since I watched a fresh episode and that it has become so pushed back in my thoughts when it occupied so many of them only a decade earlier. There was a time when everything I did had something to do with the show. I started writing poetry because I wanted to capture the feel of the period in a way reminescent of it. I started writing lengthier and lengthier stories because I had an idea for an episode and it just couldn't be done in a short story. I met Jina because we both once held a passion for it. I turned down going to NYU partly because it would have been more difficult to work my schedule around being able to watch the show. I dressed, talked, and started thinking along the same lines as people on the show. I was like an Avonlea zombie and I didn't mind because I recognized it for what it was, a quality program about a simpler and more idealized time.
the pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
and I'll laugh about all that we've lost
I don't know--some people have religion to put their faith into. Some people have a cause or a charity that renews their spirit and makes them feel good about themselves. Some people have their friends or family to give meaning to their life. Some people have their jobs or hobbies to validate their life.
I had Avonlea.
Not having it and the slow diet of it from my thoughts has affected me for the worse, I think. It occupied a space that I never knew was vacant before. It gave me hope, happiness, and a reason to believe in the intangible things. I didn't have to imagine what bliss looked like. It looked like that small village on Prince Edward Island. I remember thinking while I was watching the show that if I could be half as content and fulfilled as the people on that show seemed to be, then I would have lived a full and rich life. The empty feeling, the dissatisfaction I occasionally falter through, has a lot to do with its leaving.
It's more than like a friend dying. Not having the show to console me and guide me is like a constant reminder that all good things come to an end and that I won't be around someday either. It was on the air for seven years... and now it's been off of the air for ten. It really starts me thinking how many more years I have before they pull the plug on me.
It was my religion and now I have nothing to really believe in.
Goddamn, I miss that show.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
Labels: Avonlea, Dying, Life, Remembrance
posted by mojo shivers @ 12:09 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home