The Dust At Dawn Is Rained Upon, Attaches Itself To Everyone, No One Is Spared, No One Is Clean, It Travels Places You've Never Been Or Seen Before

--"The Night Starts Here", Stars

I was riding with my co-worker to lunch today when he started talking about how he almost got into a fight at the gym yesterday. He was waiting for a machine to stretch out when he noticed someone was already using one side of it. He asked if anyone was using the other side to which the man replied, no, that it was available. Well, after about two minutes of stretching one of that guys' friends comes up and tells my co-worker, "That's enough." Apparently, he'd be dividing his time between the two machines and thought my friend had stretched out enough. Normally, he said, that would be enough to make his blood boil. He had done his due diligence in asking around if the machine was in use. Had that guy wanted it, he should have spoken up then. Instead, my co-worker backed off and let the man finish his stretching.

That's the difference between me and most people. I don't back down for politeness' sake. As I know I've mentioned a few times here, I have certain rules when it comes to aspects of my behavior and one of those is that I don't back down very easily. When I drive I almost never let anyone in. When I'm at the movies, I never scooch over for new arrivals. When I'm listening to my music in my own car, no one is allowed to change CDs. Hell, no one's even allowed to turn on my radio. I'm very particular about people abridging my rights to do what I want when I want.

If it had been me that had asked around and started to use the machine when that guy told me stop, there would have been a scene. I don't know if there would have been a fight, but there would have been a scene. I've caused public disturbances; it doesn't bother me in the least. I think a lot of how certain people get away with things in our society is because they rely on the public's fear of speaking their mind or causing a disturbance. For instance, with the whole changing lane debate, all my friends know that I take the approach that signaling a lane change "should be a statement not a question." Personally, I don't flick on my blinkers until two seconds before I change lanes. When my lights go on it's because I'm beginning my lane change. The people that irritate me to no end are the people who casually turn on their blinker to change lanes and proceed to leave it going for ten, twenty seconds at a time. Then, they have the audacity to get angry at me for not letting them in. I don't care if you want to get in my lane; you should pick a better space than one in which I'm nose to tail with the car in front of me. The way I see it is that if you're going to merge into my lane then you better get used to the idea of doing it in the space behind me.

Or, in another case, I had a certain ex who liked to drop big decisions or, rather, disappointments in public. She would also choose to give me bad news in a restaurant, in the middle of a party, or while we were out somewhere. She was always content to use other people as a buffer for her rather than let me have my full say. However, towards the end I started responding to her in kind without any regard to where we were. I can remember one incident where we were at Olive Garden where we had just started a fight and I wanted to talk about right then and there. Instead, she informed the matter was settled (in her favor, mind you) until further notice. What she meant was that she was hoping I was going to keep quiet because we were in public and then, later, she was going to say that my silence at the time was a sign of concession to her point-of-view. Instead, I not only chose to continue the argument, but we also managed to continue it outside the restaurant when we were asked by the management to settle our dispute outside. I don't know if I won the disagreement. In the end that's not what was important to me. What was important was getting across the concept that humiliation or spectacle would ever be motivating factors in my agreeing to anything.

My point is we live in a world where we hold ourselves back from what we really think because we don't want to cause any waves. We bite our tongues, bide our time, all in a vain attempt to wait out the storm. We think that, given enough time, we'll forget or even forgive our differences. In a sense we'd rather not put up a fight for the small things even when the small things start turning into bigger things.

I try not to live like that.

I hold people to their word and I don't let people slide because it's easier. Whether it's making plans and canceling, whether it's owing me fifty or five dollars, or whether it's other people insisting on my politeness, I don't acquiesce on principle. I mean--I think I'm a nice guy in most circumstances. But a huge annoyance of mine is when people count on my politeness to solve their problems. I'm not going to make nice with you if I dislike you to not ruin the mood. I've ruined more than one party because someone chose to ruin it for me. I'm not going to greet people I have no interest in knowing. Besides being a form of small talk, it sends out the wrong message that I'm going to take all the effort to get to know people. You can't force friendship and chastising me for not saying hello to one person out of a dozen because they made a bad first impression on me is not my problem. My world doesn't revolve on the vain attempt of getting everyone to like me. It's basically built around the idea of saying and doing as a please in almost every facet of my life.

What it isn't based on is sparing people's feelings.

It isn't based on budging an inch when I think I'm in the right just because it's easier.

It isn't based on keeping the peace when I'm at unrest.

People always talk about polite society, but I think certain people learn to prey on this system. They count on people's sense of embarrassment to get what they want. They finagle and domineer everyone they come across because it's served them to get what they want. Worse yet, they've learned that if never let the other person say anything of importance, they end up sounding like the only one with important ideas.

Sometimes you have to fight for your right to disagree. Sometimes you have to fight for your right to answers. Sometimes you have to fight for your right to do things your way even if you're outvoted. Sometimes you have to fight for your right for a few more minutes on the machine.

As Rachel said,

Right is right even if no one does it, and wrong is wrong even if everyone does it.

And the only person that can decide what's right is you. Period.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers