Well, You Can't Get What You Want, But You Can Get Me, So Let's Set Up And See, 'Cause You Are My Medicine, When You're Close To Me

--"On Melancholy Hill", Gorillaz

My sleep is pretty much messed up these days. There are nights where I simply do not go to bed at all, only to fall asleep at eleven in the morning for a few hours. Some of that can be explained by my sudden urge to work on projects late at night, but even when I used to portray the night owl I could always go to be at four or five and still manage a few hours of sleep before waking up at ten. This whole business of not getting any sleep at all is worrisome. What it tells me is that without a threat of something substantial to do the next morning that my body doesn't feel the need to rest up.

What it tells me is that my body really would rather not sleep than sleep.

I don't know if it's due more to the stress or finally being able to truly burn the midnight oil without having to worry about the consequences. Personally, I think it has more to due with being stressed out about being unemployed, about letting so many people down because of being unemployed (trips and what-not), and about wondering if I'm cut out for the daily if and when I do get back to work. In a way, I think my body is giving voice to what I will never publicly say; that I'm scared about my prospects for the future.

And yet, there's always something that can get me to relax once more and allow some kind of peace so I can sleep the next morning. Whenever I get stressed out like this--say like this morning--I know that I can just call Lucy either right before or right after her morning jog and she'll talk me down off the ledge. Granted, it's not a security blanket I want to lean on quite all the time since I don't want to overstay my welcome.

But that's the thing about security blankets. They don't really need to do all that much. The sense of security stems more from the whole notion that they're there should they by needed. She doesn't everything right for me; she just has to give me the sense that's the way things are.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers