But Now The Sun Shines Cold, And All The Sky Is Grey, The Stars Are Dimmed By Clouds And Tears, And All I Wish, Is Gone Away, All I Wish, Is Gone Away
--"To Wish Impossible Things", The Cure
Back when I was a kid in elementary school I used to love play Four Square at recess and lunch. It was a simple game played by simple kids who had yet to be taught the intricacies of more complex fare like baseball, basketball, or football. The basic layout was four squares about 8 feet by 8 feet, forming a larger square 16 feet by 16 feet and the basic concept was to hit the ball in someone else's square once before they could then hit it back to another person a la tennis. One square was designated server and everyone was gunning for him with the other squares in a pre-designated order behind him. Basically, whoever got eliminated vacated his spot and all squares after him moved up a spot. Then whomever was next in line would come in at the fourth square. Like I said, it wasn't a terribly different concept. I just remember how many days I wasted at getting as good as possible at the game.
I think that what crushed any desire to continue playing the game was the fact that, like all things, a certain few people figured out how to exploit the inherent weakness in the game. If you're playing by the spirit of the game there aren't supposed to be any teams and everybody should have an equal shot of getting anybody else out. However, a certain trio of students figured out that if they co-operated with one another there would be no way to eliminate them from the co-ordinate. So that's what they would do; they would set each other up, cover each other's mistakes, and generally work in cahoots with one another so that anyone coming into the game had no shot of making it for very long. It wasn't a question of when one would be eliminated, it was only a matter of when.
I think that's why the game of Four Square resonates with me even after all these years of not playing it. It's the fact that it was my first real taste of a certain sect of people, doing something opposite of what was good for the whole of the people. What would be fair and in the best of everyone was that everyone have fun, content in the knowledge that there was a decent shot of "winning" the game. When that certain trio of my classmates would come into the game, it just turned everyone off from having fun. Technically, they weren't breaking any rules, but it made for a very hopeless sense of defeat waiting in line. One knew one didn't stand a chance, therefore, one had a fatalistic outlook going into the endeavor, which is never good.
After that, I pretty much figured out that the universe wasn't as nice and tidy as I once thought it was.
A few years later, I was re-introduced to the concept when I was reading a set of books by Dave Duncan called A Handful of Men. I had read the previous set of books entitled A Man of His Word, which I had absolutely loved. Those first four books had everything I wanted in a book, especially a fantasy book--action, drama, and a compelling romance at its core. Not only did it feature a nobody stableboy getting the girl in the end, it featured a climatic ending where she actually saves him from certain demise. No joke, I loved those books.
The second set of books, though, came to symbolize a wholly different set of emotions for me. Early on in that series of books, the woman, now the wife of the stableboy main character, gets kidnapped by one of the villains from the first series. Not only does she get kidnapped, but, in the course of the plot, she gets summarily raped. This affected in two different ways. One, it was one of the first instances where I saw an author utilize rape as a means to an end, in this case showing the villain's utter lack of self-control and his overwhelming anger at the two heroes from the first book. And two, it was one of the only times that I became fueled to finish the series just to see the villain get his comeuppance. No longer was I reading for fun, from that scene on I pretty much was reading solely for revenge. My need to see him die in print became all-consuming. I probably read the last three books faster than I've read any other books in my life. I bought them on a Tuesday. By Thursday morning they were all done. I just kept waiting for her to tell the hero what the villain had done. I wanted to see the fight. I wanted to feel the satisfaction of the hero knowing he is wholly justified in murdering the evildoer.
I wanted to see justice.
And you know what I discovered by the end of the book? She never tells him. He never finds out. Sure, the villain gets killed, but it is through a far gentler means than he deserved. When I read this I felt cheated. I felt unsatisfied. I felt like the world I had just been privy to was completely unfair and hurtful and plainly nonsensical.
Basically, I found out that it was just like real life. Who wants to read that?
I know it's wishful thinking, but I wish I could have held onto my youthful naivete. I wish I could have been spared being exposed to the unnecessary injustive of the world for that much longer. It's bad enough when my day-to-day life was plagued with feeling of inadequecy on the playground. The one place, the few moments in my life where I felt comfortable, namely while I was reading, had somehow been corrupted. That's when I knew the sad truth must be how it is everywhere. Life is unfair and sometimes cannot be made to be fair. The good guys will not always win without losing and the bad guys will not always lose without winning a bit in the first place.
I don't know--I guess I'm still idealistic enough to believe that there's a place out there that people in love deserve a long-lasting type of happiness, uninterrupted by unpleasant things like rape. I still think there's a place out there that bad people can never really harm good people and get away with it. I still think that there's a place out there where only the bad people deserve to die. I still think that there's a place out there that is free of worry and stress and feelings of being cheated.
remember how it used to be
when the sun would fill the sky
remember how we used to feel
those days would never end
I still believe there's a place out there where one can play a completely fair game of Four Square.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
Back when I was a kid in elementary school I used to love play Four Square at recess and lunch. It was a simple game played by simple kids who had yet to be taught the intricacies of more complex fare like baseball, basketball, or football. The basic layout was four squares about 8 feet by 8 feet, forming a larger square 16 feet by 16 feet and the basic concept was to hit the ball in someone else's square once before they could then hit it back to another person a la tennis. One square was designated server and everyone was gunning for him with the other squares in a pre-designated order behind him. Basically, whoever got eliminated vacated his spot and all squares after him moved up a spot. Then whomever was next in line would come in at the fourth square. Like I said, it wasn't a terribly different concept. I just remember how many days I wasted at getting as good as possible at the game.I think that what crushed any desire to continue playing the game was the fact that, like all things, a certain few people figured out how to exploit the inherent weakness in the game. If you're playing by the spirit of the game there aren't supposed to be any teams and everybody should have an equal shot of getting anybody else out. However, a certain trio of students figured out that if they co-operated with one another there would be no way to eliminate them from the co-ordinate. So that's what they would do; they would set each other up, cover each other's mistakes, and generally work in cahoots with one another so that anyone coming into the game had no shot of making it for very long. It wasn't a question of when one would be eliminated, it was only a matter of when.
I think that's why the game of Four Square resonates with me even after all these years of not playing it. It's the fact that it was my first real taste of a certain sect of people, doing something opposite of what was good for the whole of the people. What would be fair and in the best of everyone was that everyone have fun, content in the knowledge that there was a decent shot of "winning" the game. When that certain trio of my classmates would come into the game, it just turned everyone off from having fun. Technically, they weren't breaking any rules, but it made for a very hopeless sense of defeat waiting in line. One knew one didn't stand a chance, therefore, one had a fatalistic outlook going into the endeavor, which is never good.
After that, I pretty much figured out that the universe wasn't as nice and tidy as I once thought it was.
A few years later, I was re-introduced to the concept when I was reading a set of books by Dave Duncan called A Handful of Men. I had read the previous set of books entitled A Man of His Word, which I had absolutely loved. Those first four books had everything I wanted in a book, especially a fantasy book--action, drama, and a compelling romance at its core. Not only did it feature a nobody stableboy getting the girl in the end, it featured a climatic ending where she actually saves him from certain demise. No joke, I loved those books.
The second set of books, though, came to symbolize a wholly different set of emotions for me. Early on in that series of books, the woman, now the wife of the stableboy main character, gets kidnapped by one of the villains from the first series. Not only does she get kidnapped, but, in the course of the plot, she gets summarily raped. This affected in two different ways. One, it was one of the first instances where I saw an author utilize rape as a means to an end, in this case showing the villain's utter lack of self-control and his overwhelming anger at the two heroes from the first book. And two, it was one of the only times that I became fueled to finish the series just to see the villain get his comeuppance. No longer was I reading for fun, from that scene on I pretty much was reading solely for revenge. My need to see him die in print became all-consuming. I probably read the last three books faster than I've read any other books in my life. I bought them on a Tuesday. By Thursday morning they were all done. I just kept waiting for her to tell the hero what the villain had done. I wanted to see the fight. I wanted to feel the satisfaction of the hero knowing he is wholly justified in murdering the evildoer.
I wanted to see justice.
And you know what I discovered by the end of the book? She never tells him. He never finds out. Sure, the villain gets killed, but it is through a far gentler means than he deserved. When I read this I felt cheated. I felt unsatisfied. I felt like the world I had just been privy to was completely unfair and hurtful and plainly nonsensical.
Basically, I found out that it was just like real life. Who wants to read that?
I know it's wishful thinking, but I wish I could have held onto my youthful naivete. I wish I could have been spared being exposed to the unnecessary injustive of the world for that much longer. It's bad enough when my day-to-day life was plagued with feeling of inadequecy on the playground. The one place, the few moments in my life where I felt comfortable, namely while I was reading, had somehow been corrupted. That's when I knew the sad truth must be how it is everywhere. Life is unfair and sometimes cannot be made to be fair. The good guys will not always win without losing and the bad guys will not always lose without winning a bit in the first place.
I don't know--I guess I'm still idealistic enough to believe that there's a place out there that people in love deserve a long-lasting type of happiness, uninterrupted by unpleasant things like rape. I still think there's a place out there that bad people can never really harm good people and get away with it. I still think that there's a place out there where only the bad people deserve to die. I still think that there's a place out there that is free of worry and stress and feelings of being cheated.
remember how it used to be
when the sun would fill the sky
remember how we used to feel
those days would never end
I still believe there's a place out there where one can play a completely fair game of Four Square.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
posted by mojo shivers @ 12:47 AM
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