Now It Seems They're Telling Me, You've Changed Your Wicked Ways, But Should I Give You A Second Chance, Baby, I'm Too Afraid
--"I Heard a Rumor", Bananarama
Does everybody deserve a second chance?
Do I?
I normally don't steal other people's pet themes, but the theme of wickedness has been creeping up time and time again in the project I'm working on now. Breanne usually tackles the subject whether or not one can outgrow one's innate troublemaking nature as she got into far more trouble than I ever did as a kid. But the way she writes about it, coupled with the several stabs I've made at it recently, has led me to some soul-searching as to the nature of committing acts that are unforgiveable and whether it is in our nature to really allow ourselves to let such acts slide. It's one matter to lack better judgment as a child as was my good friend's excuse, but it's entirely different to know better and still choose to do wrong as has been my case on more than one occasion. Even if there is contrition on my part, I still believe that forgiveness is not something I can earn by being contrite or by even offering to make amends or restitution. It's the whole adage in RENT; the opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation. It's not enough that I make up for my mistakes. I've got to leave the people I've hurt ahead on the books.
How do you make up for slamming the arm of someone you care about in a car door in the middle of the fight?
How do you make up for not showing up at the wedding of your best friend?
How do you make up for burning everything a person you've known for three years gave you?
What do you say? How do you start?
I don't know if you can. Certainly, saying sorry is nowhere near enough. I more than took away a person's happiness; I took away that person's trust in me. And even after the memory of the event or the words have faded, that trust never fully comes back. Things are never quite the same. That's why it's my understanding that when it comes to maintaining good relationships with people, you pretty much get the one shot. Yes, people may allow you to still remain friends or see them, but once you screw up, that screw-up is lodged into their understanding of you. It forms a mental marker whenever your name is mentioned.
So, no, I don't think you can ever be forgiven for past trangressions and, no, I don't think I ever will. This isn't a bad thing nor is it something to regret. I took my chances and made my choices. It's more than just making my bed and sleeping it. It's about the understanding that given the same set of circumstances and having to make the same choice at the same period of my life, I had no other choice but to do what I did.
Yes, I was born wicked as we all are and the only forgiveness we'll ever earn is from ourselves and no one else.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
Does everybody deserve a second chance?Do I?
I normally don't steal other people's pet themes, but the theme of wickedness has been creeping up time and time again in the project I'm working on now. Breanne usually tackles the subject whether or not one can outgrow one's innate troublemaking nature as she got into far more trouble than I ever did as a kid. But the way she writes about it, coupled with the several stabs I've made at it recently, has led me to some soul-searching as to the nature of committing acts that are unforgiveable and whether it is in our nature to really allow ourselves to let such acts slide. It's one matter to lack better judgment as a child as was my good friend's excuse, but it's entirely different to know better and still choose to do wrong as has been my case on more than one occasion. Even if there is contrition on my part, I still believe that forgiveness is not something I can earn by being contrite or by even offering to make amends or restitution. It's the whole adage in RENT; the opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation. It's not enough that I make up for my mistakes. I've got to leave the people I've hurt ahead on the books.
How do you make up for slamming the arm of someone you care about in a car door in the middle of the fight?
How do you make up for not showing up at the wedding of your best friend?
How do you make up for burning everything a person you've known for three years gave you?
What do you say? How do you start?
I don't know if you can. Certainly, saying sorry is nowhere near enough. I more than took away a person's happiness; I took away that person's trust in me. And even after the memory of the event or the words have faded, that trust never fully comes back. Things are never quite the same. That's why it's my understanding that when it comes to maintaining good relationships with people, you pretty much get the one shot. Yes, people may allow you to still remain friends or see them, but once you screw up, that screw-up is lodged into their understanding of you. It forms a mental marker whenever your name is mentioned.
So, no, I don't think you can ever be forgiven for past trangressions and, no, I don't think I ever will. This isn't a bad thing nor is it something to regret. I took my chances and made my choices. It's more than just making my bed and sleeping it. It's about the understanding that given the same set of circumstances and having to make the same choice at the same period of my life, I had no other choice but to do what I did.
Yes, I was born wicked as we all are and the only forgiveness we'll ever earn is from ourselves and no one else.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
posted by mojo shivers @ 1:28 PM
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