I Hear Babies Cry, I Watch Them Grow, They'll Learn Much More, Than I'll Ever Know, And I Think To Myself, What A Wonderful World

--"What A Wonderful World", Renee Olstead

After starting my third fantasy baseball league in as many years as well as having started two basketball leagues and one football league, I'm beginning to get the skulking suspicion I have a God complex. It wasn't that I wasn't happy with playing in other people's leagues. I could've probably gone a few more years playing as somebody else intended without too much of a complaint. However, when it comes right down to it, I'm never really satisfied with anything until I've decided how best to do it. If I had more time to devote to two or more leagues I could have resigned myself not to start yet another one, but I spend enough time slacking off at work to waste any more trying to change rosters, pick people off the waiver wire, &c... for another league or leagues. And if I can only play in one then I'm going to make damn sure it's the league that has the rules set to exactly how I want them to be. Baseball, like anything else, should be enjoyed on one's own terms--not someone else's.

I always thought it interesting that creativity and creation both stem from the same root. It's always spoken to me that creating something also means imagining something beforehand. You can't bring a new project to life without helping to wonder how it's all going to turn out. More importantly I've always been intrigued by the notion that the body responsible for creating something often has to bring it forth from nothing in the same way somebody imagining something often says the ideas came out of thin air. That's how I've always imagined where my talents lay. I tend to gravitate towards projects that involve piecing something out of nothing--whether it be fiction or games or, yes, fantasy leagues--and I tend to want to manage these projects solely. Even when I share creative and editorial duties it's never an equal share. I almost always can only work with people willing to accept my take on matters. If not, I tend not to enjoy it as much as something I've nurtured on my own. That's how it is on this site. The three of us might all do different things, but ultimately it's my rules that are the law of the land. If the tables were turned and I had to write for somebody else--say, Breanne--I don't think I would be as cordial as the two gals are. I have too much of a hard time ceding control to anybody to be productive in that environment.

I guess I knew that from a young age. My parents were always telling me I was stubborn or hard-headed. I've always had to do things my way, even if it didn't make sense to anyone else. Actually, I had to do things a certain way especially because they did not make sense to anyone else. It's not that I'm a contrarian. I know normalcy has its uses, but, honestly I've always found doing things in my own certain way more fun and more enriching of an experience. There's a strong part of me that likes it when people have no clue why I do the things I do. It makes me feel special and unique. I guess in the conflict between wanting to be thought of as an individual and wanting to be accepted into the group, being an individual wins for me.

And when it comes to my endeavors, I like the world to be mine in some way. When I play video games I like to customize my characters/teams up the wazoo, even going so far as to modify whole teams to be comprised of players of made up for a team I made up in a city I made up with a mascot I made up. Or when I write short stories I tend to do four page dossiers on all my characters because I've found creating characters is the part of the process I like the best, even moreso than trying to come up with plots. When I make up games I love exploring intricate game mechanics more than trying to come up with a good theme. Good mechanics are the heart of any game; it's like setting up the way the universe works. Everything else, the components, the theme, and the artwork are all flavoring. The meat of the matter is always getting the play down in terms you like and want seen.

Just like at the heart of my rationale is setting up my world the way I want rather than trying to adapt to living in yours. It's my show and all the rest of you are just guest stars. LOL

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers