What I've Got's Full Stock Of Thoughts And Dreams That Scatter, You Pull Them All Together, And How, I Can't Explain, But You Make My Dreams Come True

--"You Make My Dreams Come True", Hall and Oates

If there's one thing I learned from playing all these board games in the last two years it's the difference between tactical skill and strategic skill. Basically, tactical skill is one when possesses a brilliant mind for short-term goals--making a move that earns the most points in one round or making a choice that effectively blocks another player. Strategic skill is when has the wherewithal to game plan their moves from the beginning to the end of the game--conserving money, biding one's time, striking only at the opportune moment. Both skills are necessary and both are hard to train if one is more adept at one skill than the other, but usually one maintains a preference throughout each game one plays.

Me? I've always been better at tactics than strategy. I've been labelled far too aggressive when I'm playing most games. I see the best move at the time and I take it, without any forethought as to how it will affect my later play. For instance, in Magic, I was notorious for relying on the hurricane as my endgame. Rather than take the time to piece a strategy together, I would rather blow myself and my opponent to smithereens at the first hint I was going to lose. I've just never been good at taking the long view on anything; I have far too many impulsive tendencies to ever get proficient at planning stuff out.

However, it's more than that. For most of my life I've relied on being good at whatever task's at hand. When I had to write an essay for the next day, I could always whip out an A paper in an hour or two without writing a first draft or much editing. When I had to read an instruction manual for tasks, be it learning a new video game or learning to drive a car, I've always been able to read and retain information quicker than the people around me. Or when I had to talk to somebody to get something I wanted (as opposed to make small talk or flirt, which I've always been horrible at), I have no fear in cutting to the chase. And, for the most part, I got what I wanted by doing things quickly and without hesitation. I think that set up a system where I was rewarded for making snap decisions and executing them at a moment's notice.

Now, whether it's planning for a trip or talking to people in every day life, I find myself rushing to conclusions and basing my responses off of that rather than waiting for the whole picture.

The only difference is it doesn't work as well as it did when I was younger. Now I'm having a hard time succeeding at tasks that require some patience or precision. I'm still expecting all my choices, messy and rough around the edges as they may be, to produce the same results as they did when I was a kid. And they just don't. Whether it's playing a board game with friends or dealing with my family and friends in real life, living for the moment and thinking about only what's happening now has lead to many situations where my efforts just fall short because I just didn't think it through. Worst of all, because I never trained that part of my faculties, I'm having a difficult time making the adjustment at this stage in my life. I keep expecting the decisions I make now to be all the decisions I need to make it to my ultimate goals; I keep thinking the small, quick choices I make will help me achieve my dream. But they don't.

And, let me tell you, there's nothing worse than realizing whatever you do now won't make a bit of difference because you already fucked it up in the beginning. There's nothing worse than being in the middle--the middle of a game, the middle of your life--and knowing you've already lost whatever chance you had of winning.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers