She's Got A Light Around Her, And Everywhere She Goes, A Million Dreams Of Love Surround Her, Everywhere
--"She's Got A Way", Billy Joel
On August 5th of this year Rachel would have been twenty-five years old. Why this particular birthday springs to mind is that it is around the same age that I first Rachel's Tears and her wonderful story. To think of all the years since the first time I read the book till now is the amount of time she missed out on saddens me to no end. I mean--it used to be what depressed me was the thought of her not having a future with which to inspire more people than she did. Now I see the opposite possibly is true. If I was twenty-five when I discovered the individual I consider my only role model, then it's possible this may have been the age when she discovered the person or persons who may have inspired to even loftier heights of greatness. The thought that she never got the opportunity to find someone here on Earth who flat-out would have made her a better person produces feelings that, not only were we all cheated of a strong light in the world, but she was denied the chance to shine even brighter.
Sometimes I wonder why so much of my time is occupied with thoughts of what she might have been or what she might have done with her time, had she lived. The only answer I can come up with is that she and the way she lived her life is as close to a religion as I've ever had. The logic behind this is that, unlike "real" religions, the central figure in the teachings I know existed. I know every example laid before me in her books and other's tales about her actually happened. People have both known, talked to, and been friends with this person whose life I've chosen to emulate. There is no matter of taking anything on faith or having to just believe in something because that's the way some book tells you to. I've chosen to follow a path because the path that she laid before us all was one she chose to live without any supernatual shenanigans mixed into it. Yes, she did draw her inspiration from God, but the life she led didn't involve any miracles or tests or any unbelievable feats of faith, strength, or endurance. She was just a girl that chose to lead a good life and allowed others to learn from her example. She was just a good person and that's the only type of hero I ever want to have. It's not because she was so much better than anyone else that I like her. It's because she did so much with what she had, what all of us, that gives me hope that I can do something more vital for everyone that what I'm doing now. It's because she had the same constraints as everyone else and still managed to show how love and respect is an easy habit to pick up that allows me to take more stock in her books than any spiritual text ever written.
In Flaubert's Parrot, Julian Barnes talked about how people prefer art to real life because in real life you never get the subtext, you never get the motivation for why people do the things you do. I think the same holds true for role models. Part of the reason she intrigues me as she does is because I get a sense of her humanity and her struggles, that I cannot quite pick up from anybody else who tries too hard to spread the message of God. It's not that I don't believe that message. It's that I have a hard time believing the messenger. I know why Rachel thought it was important to live a respectable life, yet I don't get the same sense of purpose from other religions. I kind of pick up on Rachel's character more and that's a quality I admire from her writings, that there is a sense she was writing her lessons out more for herself rather than to be propogated. I kind of like the sense that she was no more founding a religion as much as placing her various to paper. It's easier to believe in something when it isn't couched in the idea of dogma. It's easier to believe in something that doesn't come off as commandments as advice from an acquaintance or a friend.
she's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
I think I might be simplifying things a bit, but that's basically all I can say about why I think she was so amazing. I don't know--there was just a quality about her that I immediately took to. All I know is that ever since I read her first book I've had the skulking suspicion that the world would have been much better served had she lived on rather than I. It's not that I don't think I contribute to the world, but I know she could and would have done so much more with her time than I, with mine. That's partly what motivates me everyday, this idea that I've got to make something of everyday because there are people, one in particular, who never got the chance to see this day. I kind of want to live my life as a gift to her, because I feel she's given me so much without ever knowing it.
All before she ever saw eighteen.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
On August 5th of this year Rachel would have been twenty-five years old. Why this particular birthday springs to mind is that it is around the same age that I first Rachel's Tears and her wonderful story. To think of all the years since the first time I read the book till now is the amount of time she missed out on saddens me to no end. I mean--it used to be what depressed me was the thought of her not having a future with which to inspire more people than she did. Now I see the opposite possibly is true. If I was twenty-five when I discovered the individual I consider my only role model, then it's possible this may have been the age when she discovered the person or persons who may have inspired to even loftier heights of greatness. The thought that she never got the opportunity to find someone here on Earth who flat-out would have made her a better person produces feelings that, not only were we all cheated of a strong light in the world, but she was denied the chance to shine even brighter.Sometimes I wonder why so much of my time is occupied with thoughts of what she might have been or what she might have done with her time, had she lived. The only answer I can come up with is that she and the way she lived her life is as close to a religion as I've ever had. The logic behind this is that, unlike "real" religions, the central figure in the teachings I know existed. I know every example laid before me in her books and other's tales about her actually happened. People have both known, talked to, and been friends with this person whose life I've chosen to emulate. There is no matter of taking anything on faith or having to just believe in something because that's the way some book tells you to. I've chosen to follow a path because the path that she laid before us all was one she chose to live without any supernatual shenanigans mixed into it. Yes, she did draw her inspiration from God, but the life she led didn't involve any miracles or tests or any unbelievable feats of faith, strength, or endurance. She was just a girl that chose to lead a good life and allowed others to learn from her example. She was just a good person and that's the only type of hero I ever want to have. It's not because she was so much better than anyone else that I like her. It's because she did so much with what she had, what all of us, that gives me hope that I can do something more vital for everyone that what I'm doing now. It's because she had the same constraints as everyone else and still managed to show how love and respect is an easy habit to pick up that allows me to take more stock in her books than any spiritual text ever written.
In Flaubert's Parrot, Julian Barnes talked about how people prefer art to real life because in real life you never get the subtext, you never get the motivation for why people do the things you do. I think the same holds true for role models. Part of the reason she intrigues me as she does is because I get a sense of her humanity and her struggles, that I cannot quite pick up from anybody else who tries too hard to spread the message of God. It's not that I don't believe that message. It's that I have a hard time believing the messenger. I know why Rachel thought it was important to live a respectable life, yet I don't get the same sense of purpose from other religions. I kind of pick up on Rachel's character more and that's a quality I admire from her writings, that there is a sense she was writing her lessons out more for herself rather than to be propogated. I kind of like the sense that she was no more founding a religion as much as placing her various to paper. It's easier to believe in something when it isn't couched in the idea of dogma. It's easier to believe in something that doesn't come off as commandments as advice from an acquaintance or a friend.
she's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
I think I might be simplifying things a bit, but that's basically all I can say about why I think she was so amazing. I don't know--there was just a quality about her that I immediately took to. All I know is that ever since I read her first book I've had the skulking suspicion that the world would have been much better served had she lived on rather than I. It's not that I don't think I contribute to the world, but I know she could and would have done so much more with her time than I, with mine. That's partly what motivates me everyday, this idea that I've got to make something of everyday because there are people, one in particular, who never got the chance to see this day. I kind of want to live my life as a gift to her, because I feel she's given me so much without ever knowing it.
All before she ever saw eighteen.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
posted by mojo shivers @ 7:17 PM
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