And It's A Shame That We Gotta Spend Our Time, Being Mad About The Same Things, Over And Over Again, About The Same Thing, Over And Over Again

--"Over and Over", Nelly featuring Tim McGraw

I wasn't going to write this tonight because it's still so raw, but, fuck it, this site is about what's on my mind and this has been a lot of what's been on my mind.

I hate fighting with Breanne. People were never meant to fight with their friends to the severity we get into it sometimes. It throws off my whole day, my whole weekend sometimes, and almost always it never ends well. We're both too stubborn to allow a happy ending. Inevitably, what always ends up occurring is that one of us will simply forget exactly how upset he or she is and make the first attempt to mend fences. But that resentment is still there. There still exists an animosity that never quite subsides. Because of this, when the next flare-up occurs, all that residual acrimony just gets tossed onto whatever the current forest fire is producing an even bigger blaze than the previous one. It all turns into a vicious cycle where nothing ever gets solved and I end up hating her or she ends up hating--most likely, both.

I don't know--we've never been able to solve that conundrum of how to be equitable without feeling like we've given up our opinions. That unique puzzle continues to go unsolved.

The latest dust-up involves Carly and how I've been beginning to hang out with her more. It's always been understood between B. and I that we don't have a say in who is or isn't in each other's lives. For the most part, I've never made it a priority to maintain a high opinion of her friends or she, mine. I thought that's the way it worked, that because of the extreme distances involved, that it really didn't make sense to ingratiate ourselves into each other's circle of wider contacts. That's why I've never made it a huge secret that I don't care much for her husband. She knows my opinion on him and, because of that reason, I don't feel any particular need to reiterate it over and over again. It's out there, hanging for all the world to see. But lately it's been more and more of Breanne's pregorative to decide who and what the make-up of my friendships should be. And, lately, her target has been my friend Carly.

I won't go into the specifics of what her problems with Carly remain. Instead, I'll focus on my viewpoint on the whole matter. What my big concern is that I happen to think she's a great person, fun to be around, witty and intelligent, and certainly the most open-minded person I've ever met. Which brings me to what I think Breanne's big flaw has always been. For all her great talk on what a friendly person she is, her definition of what's socially acceptable and what isn't has always been very narrow. It's always been a small of contention between us, but lately this has become a huge rift sometimes with us. I worry about her sometimes. I worry that, as she's gotten older, she's becoming less of the person I thought she was, the person who was always more adventurous and more impulsive, and becoming more of the person her mother is. Don't get me wrong--I like her mother. But she was never like that as a kid.

Maybe it's just like I was telling someone today. Maybe it's just that she's come to the same realization that I've been coming to grips with for the last six or seven years. With the embargo on my going to Georgia and her coming with her husband to California, all the best times we've spent together are now behind us. Conceivably, I will never literally be in the same state with her again. Maybe hearing me talk about being able to go places with Carly has raised a few jealous nerves in her.

Yet that's not what I'm appealing to when I write this in an effort to stop the madness and hell that this last weekend has been. My big appeal is to the fact that she used to hate when people would tell me that I should stop being friends with her. What did it matter what other people said about our differences? All that mattered is that I thought she was spectacular, and she the same of me. Now that she's the one who's playing judge, it's like she can't see that she can't make an informed decision without meeting the individual and she's being hypocritical to the point where I don't recognize her any more. Life's too short to worry about what makes another person happy. If she told me something (or someone) was making her happy, I may have my opinions on how genuine that happiness is, but I would never discount her happiness outright, let alone make an effort to sever all ties to that source of happiness. It really doesn't make sense to me.

What also doesn't make sense is that she can call my ability to examine a person's good and bad qualities into question. I think I've reached a certain age where I can differentiate people who are bettering my life and people who are being so much dead weight. I think I know what entails a good friend and what doesn't.

After all, I saw the good in her once and I stuck around when people made it difficult to be her friend. I didn't doubt my abilities then and I'm not going to start doubting them now.

Carly is a good friend and, hopefully, maybe someday she'll be as good a friend to me as you've always been, Breannie.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers