Have You Ever Been Close To Tragedy, Or Been Close To Folks Who Have, Have You Ever Felt A Pain So Powerful, So Heavy You Collapse

--"The Impression That I Get", The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

I was driving in my car after going out to dinner with my cousin Vincent when he remarked that certain members in our family needed some type of hardship to reach the level of maturity they're supposed to be at. It struck me as an odd thing to say. Why would you want to wish adversity on anyone, especially on someone in your family? But the more I reflected on it, the more I saw that a certain wisdom existed in his words. A lot of people put milestone markers at the great triumphs in their lives. They commemorate their joys with plaques and pictures, videotapes and anniversaries, because they wish to forever remember the day their hard work finally came to fruition.

However, I think it's just as vital to immortalize the days one attempted to accomplish something of import and it didn't come to pass. Those days are important too. That's a lesson these two family members of mine never had. They've never had to face the huge hurdle and stumble while trying to cross it. This is not to say they've never had setbacks, but they've never had those huge moments of crisis that define the kind of individual you're destined to be in later life. I mean--I believe a lot of who I am was only ascertained when I was at my lowest--when Jennifer died, when DeAnn got pregnant, when I was almost kicked out of USC. You never know the person you are until you find out the person you aren't. When the chips are done is when you find out what goals and aspirations are important to you, when you find out what kind of qualities manifest themselves when you're under pressure and not in control, when you find out how it feels to lose a lot of your hope. I know in those times I went through I came to see that the values I thought I held weren't actually the values I believed in.

The majority of people are loathe to make changes in themselves if they believe that they are well-off and happy. They put stock into the maxim that "if it's broke don't fix it" when it comes to getting by on their character, even if their are glaring deficiencies in that character. That's the problem with my family members. They've coasted so long on being the way they are when the rest of us know that they could have gone so much more if they had only put forth the effort to improve themselves. Breanne says that "you have to get your face wet first if you want to swim." With some people they are so afraid of taking the plunge that they convince themselves to stay on the shore and look at all the other people actually getting somewhere. They convince themselves that there is no need for them to move from where they're at, where they've always been. It would take the beach sinking away for them to take action and start swimming.

I know I possess a lot of faults to this day--I'm stubborn, I'm rude, I'm wasteful, and I lack for common sense in a lot of situations--but the impetus for me to change those qualities only will come when those selfsame qualities bring about some kind of tragedy. I know for me to reach whatever level of maturity I have know it took these acts of God to get me to change. I used to be overly critical of those who had different opinions of me. It literally took someone who had different viewpoints on almost every topic you could think of still be accepting of me even when I had displayed the worst of what I had to offer to see that tolerance is something I sorely needed. It literally took someone I cared about dying for me to realize that I can't be so cavalier with friends and friendships. It literally took being kicked out of college for me to get serious about my future. I'm a lazy ass, just like everyone else. I'd rather be who I am than try to be the person I really could be. I know that. I've always known that.

Tonight really got me thinking that there's points to life where crossing over that darkened sea and getting lost from time to time is a good thing. After all, if all we ever do is go with the safe and pleasant routes we've always taken, we'll never see the rest of that dangerous world out there. I don't know about you, but I think there's a risk to everything we do. I think there's an inherent danger of getting hurt, getting embarrassed, getting sad or angry or lonely, in living. To try and avoid that, to try and avoid feeling the unpleasantness of life, is like trying to ride a bike but keeping the training wheels on. Sure, you're technically riding, but you're losing out on all the places you could go. You could lead a life that's safe and somewhat pleasant, never falling once, or you could fail just as much as you succeed and go to places you never imagined you could reach.

Personally, I'd rather fall than stand still. I'd rather get my face wet, thank you very much.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers