Now I've Lost The Plot, I'm Not The Hero I Could Be, But Not The Dog I Was, Kind Of Common Cry, Kind Of Living Lie

--"Now They'll Sleep", Belly

I went into Atonement yesterday evening expecting great things. I don’t know if I was expecting to be blown away, but, what with all the glowing reviews and accolades, I was more than anticipating getting more than fair value for the price of admission. At first, I was disappointed. The opening to the film definitely shows its literary roots for I found the establishing of the setting to be rather plodding and mundane. Yet, because I knew it was a literary film and—let’s face it—because it is a British production, I was more than willing to allow ample time for the movie to find its voice. Once it did, I was glad that my patience paid off.

The first piece of advice going into the film is that, at its heart, it’s a film about perspective. The story the audience receives, as with most films, is only partially complete—even moreso in this production. Atonement rates right up there with The Usual Suspects and Rashomon with intentionally obfuscating the “real” story for dramatic effect. However, where it differs and where I think the film’s true strength lies, is that its not used to maliciously trick the audience. Indeed, the twist, if you will, is the fact that this story’s theme, its very title, could not be honored without this obfuscation. Once one discovers who the main character truly is and the driving force behind this main character than one really gleans on the poetic beauty that lies at the heart of the film. From its opening sequence to its romantic denouement, everything centers around this idea about the story, story subject, and storyteller being linked inexplicably. One could no more divide the way the story is told than edit out the character or characters forming its core.

The film has to be told in this purposefully unclear manner for the thematic elements to gel properly.

That’s also why I think the ending stands alone in the last twelve months as an ending to be admired. Not only is it artistically fitting, but it’s also realistically fitting as well. Not for one moment does it sacrifice verisimilitude for dramatic license, nor aesthetic wonder for logical didactics. It lands right on that razor’s edge of both satisfying the soul and the mind.


and things just fall apart

If I had to sum up the lesson to be learned in the movie, it would be to say every choice has consequences that extend far beyond one’s foresight. One cannot plan for every contingency because, unlike an author and his book, tidy endings are the exception to the rule. In saying every choice has consequences, I’d like to extrapolate from that its corollary; every consequence has its origins in a single choice. That’s the movie’s central idea or ideas in a nutshell.

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In the summer of '94 I got what qualified as my first real job. Having had my accident involving that pesky bus driver two years prior, I didn't want to put in any applications in before then for fear of having to acknowledge I was involved in a Hit and Run accident. I suppose I could have chanced it, but I figured my best shot at getting the job I wouldn't completely abhor would be to wait out until my records were sealed again. I went down with Peter to Universal Studios Theme Park because they were having a job fair to staff the park during the tourist-rich summer season. I wasn't nervous. I didn't expect much from an amusement park job. I didn't believe they'd willingly turn too many people away.

Originally, I had wanted to go into something that I thought would be kickback. I'd done a lot of parking and valet work for Pi Alpha Chi, the service society at my high school, and I wanted something indoors so my first option was Parking Services. I was envisioning being in a booth all day, out of the heat, able to scope out a lot of the guests coming in or out of the park. While it wasn't my ideal job, it beat a lot of the other options they had available.

When it came time for me to let the interviewer which position I was applying for, I announced that I wanted to apply for a position in the Parking Services department. However, either intentionally or by sheer misfortune, he heard my answer as Park Services, i.e. the custodial service. He handed me a application and told me where to find the Park Services office I was to turn it into.

I should have spoken up then. I should have corrected his mistake. But, due to the assembly line pace of the initial screening, the employee who had handed me the application had already called the next candidate up. Rather than make a small scene or go through the teeniest bit of embarrassment, I went with the flow and began to fill out the form. In my head, I was thinking it would be an easy fix to transfer departments later. Indeed, the initial screener made it seem like employees swapped departments all the time. I wasn't really sweating it.

That one omission of what I really wanted ended up costing me eighteen months of less-than-optimal working conditions. Not only did I have to work in the sun, doing one of the most monotonous jobs ever known to man, but it seemed switching departments was akin to getting a meeting with the President of the United States. There was a waiting list for a position to open up--not only that, but both my former manager and future manager had to consider me more suited for the new position than the old position. Again, it was fanciful thinking. I won't say it was all bad. I met a few celebrities that I wouldn't have had I been stuck in a parking garage. I got free food everyday. I also got to learn all the different ways to sneak in and out of the park, as well as all the hidden, secluded places dispersed throughout the grounds.

The point was I let a little embarrassment dictate how my career at Universal was spent. I thought it was a simple choice. I thought it was easily corrected, but it ended up having effect on almost two years of my life. I think that's how a lot of choices we make are. We think they won't matter, that it won't derail our whole life, but it's often the small decisions we make daily that have the greatest pull on the course our life takes.

Like in Atonement, it's better to over-analyze every decision you have control over rather than piffle it away. More often than not you find yourself wishing at the end of your life that you could have been more decisive in key situations rather than less decisive. No one ever cursed being too much in control of their destiny and no one ever cherished being tossed away by the winds of fate.

Every decision is important, even if you can't see it while you're making it. Like the girls in Wicked say, "There are some bridges you don't know you've crossed until you've crossed them."

Yours Swimmingly
mojo shivers