Oh, Life Is Bigger, It's Bigger Than You, And You Are Not Me, The Lengths I Will Go To, The Distance In Your Eyes, Oh No, I've Said Too Much

--"Losing My Religion (cover)", Hootie and the Blowfish

My uncle died on Sunday.

Aside from all the implications about death and my own mortality, his passing has also brought to the forefront the idea that my own beliefs in Deism do not allow for an afterlife. Consequently, as I was reading through the prayer services with my family, I was remarking to myself how pointless and ineffective this was. This is not to say that it wasn't cathartic, but when one doesn't believe in the Catholic or Christian image of God, when one doesn't think there is either a heaven or hell waiting for us, when one doesn't imagine a holy hosts of angels flying you up upon your death, beseeching God, Jesus, Mary, or what have you really amounts to just mouthing the words. I wanted to say I was abstaining joining in with my family due to personal convictions, but I wanted to keep the procession as solemn and dignified as possible. Yes, I had reservations, but he was my uncle and I do believe in honoring his beliefs upon his death.

The big question for me is what is to become of me at my death? I don't want anybody mistaking me for being a believer in all things religious. I don't want anybody reading scriptures that to me seem no more truthful than a children's fairy tale. Indeed, it's this stance against any and all "holy" texts, doctrines, or sacred relics that is at the core of my spiritual beliefs.

No one should be able to define to me what kind of god I believe in for, yes, I do believe in some higher force that created the universe and the way it functions. What I don't believe in is that any one person knows more about my god than I do. What I don't believe in is that some words a bunch of people wrote down thousands of years ago has any relevance to me today. What I don't believe in is faith surpassing reason in my beliefs. In the hierarchy of spiritual influences one reigns supreme, that of my own experience, my own judgment, and my own understanding. Everything else that someone has tried to teach me or cajole me into following is just bullshit. Nobody should believe in anything they haven't seen or felt or worked out for themselves; to do otherwise is lunacy.

So then what would be my wishes for my body at my passing? I don't really know because I'm of the opinion that funerals and services are for the living to console themselves. I don't believe in any amount of prayer or entreaties for safe passage will do any amount of good for me. I'll be dead. Game over, dude. There won't be any overtime for me so the soul, the spirit, is really a non-entity for me. I'd be just as happy if my family and friends catapulted me over the neighbor's fence as much as if they decided to bury me in the ground.

I don't want a service.

I don't want special treatment.

I don't want anybody praying to a god I don't believe in.

I'm rather happy in my notion that the only paradise we have is the one we build ourselves with the time we have on Earth. I'm rather happy in my notion that the only hell we can avoid is the one we avoid by not giving into avarice and other destructive impulses while we're alive. I'm rather happy believing in a god that's happy to leave me the fuck alone.

I don't want to die, but when I do I want to know that no special favors need to be called on to make sure I do okay. I will have hoped I did okay in the meantime and lived my life balls to the wall and didn't leave too many words unsaid, too many deeds undone, and too many regrets behind me.

I want to die and know that that's really all, folks.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers