There's No Easy Explanation For It, But Whenever There's A Problem, We Always Work It Out Somehow, Work It Out Somehow

--"Love Will Never Do", Janet Jackson

I originally had another post planned today, but it was too light and too frivolous to follow Breanne's. I can't write it today. I'll have to write it tomorrow. It would just seem like I was treating her situation as some big joke. As much as I want to lighten the mood (and hopefully cheer a certain Little Miss Chipper up), I don't want to do it at the expense of giving serious weight to how I feel about what's going on.

I'm not involved, except to say that it's one of my friends who's hurting right now and I would never be silly and stupid in the face of that. So I'm going to take a small break and explain my feelings both for her and for everyone who bothers to read here because I have the skulking suspicion that a lot of what happens in the near future will have ramifications far into the future.

First, my take (originally posted in the comments of previous post):

If she's ever going to leave her husband it's going to be this year. Things haven't been going well for them and I think she's fed up with feeling unhappy all too often. She says she's going to stick it out because she's not a quitter. I'm trying to encourage her because she really does love him and I can imagine he really does love her. Yet there's not much anyone can do if she's not happy. And I want her to be happy, but I'm not so sure anymore if that means telling her to stay or if the means telling her to leave. All I know is telling her she should do whatever she thinks is right is nothing but a cop-out. She's searching for advice and, for once, I don't know have any to give because it's a situation that's foreign to me. I don't know how you love someone that long and then willingly let go of them without looking back. It's seems like an impossible task to me. More than that, it seems like it would leave you more broken after than you were before so I'm all for her sticking it out. That'd be the courageous thing to do; I just don't know if it's the right thing any more.

And I'm also concerned that if she does leave him if it'll be for me. Because a lot of me wants that to be the scenario that plays out, but, again, the sensible thing to do would be to give her time and space to figure things out alone without jumping into anything too serious with her right away. Sometimes you can't fix what's broken in somebody else no matter how much you want to help. Sometimes people need time to heal before they can be whole enough to open up again.

In a way, I prefer her married because it gives me somebody to pine away for and imagine how perfect everything would be if she were with me. I'm scared if we do ever get back together it'll be a disaster and everyone of my dreams will be shattered. It's easier to criticize how much better a job I could do than actually be put to the test. If she stays married I can always call it the relationship that got away rather than test it out, have it blow up in my face, and call it the relationship that should have never happened in the first place.

I hate her because her problems become my problems and that's the way it's always going to be until I die. It's like signing a pact with the devil that's some new type of agony every day of my life.

I wrote that just after New Year's when I got a good sense of how much everything was deteriorating with Breanne and Greg. That's the only excuse I can give for being so shamelessly selfish in my reply. I wrote it to vent. I wrote it to express feelings that I could never express to her because that's not what a good friend does. He doesn't think how this is all going to affect him; he only thinks about what he can do to help out. And I think I've come around to that point-of-view in the last few days. I don't know--I'm still scared about what it all means... but the point is that however I may feel, I know she's going through something a hundred times worse.

I've broken up with people. I've never been in a rough patch with somebody I was married to. I've hurt people I've loved. I've never had to walk out a lifetime commitment to them. Just contemplating all of what that means scares the shit out of me because I know I'm not mature enough to deal with that kind of responsibility and dedication. I'm a child compared to her. That's why, at first, I didn't want to reply or comment on her post. I sound like an idiot when I'm trying to give advice for a situation I'm neither ready to deal with or have even begun to think about.

Yet what are you going to do when your closest friend says they need your advice now more than ever? Do you walk away or shirk your responsibility? Do you turn tail and say you can't help?

No, you do your best to listen. You do your best to understand. You tell them what would make them happiest and not what you'd like to see happen.

You do all that because you know however uncomfortable you feel, she's feeling worse.

And that can't stand. Not now. Not ever.

You try your best because you made promises to her too. And, while they're not sacred vows before God or whomever, they were for a lifetime and they weren't meant to be broken also.

You try. For her. Forever.

----

And to offset that rather ominous reply, B., one of the first poems I ever wrote about you. This was probably written around the time you turned fifteen (sorry, I don't have the date on it for some reason (also, for those of you who have seen my poems before, yes, it's a blatant palette-swap of an earlier poem... but the feelings are still valid. LOL)):

TO BREANNE FROM PATRICK
by E. Patrick Taroc

As a poet I might not shine;
Words have been hard for me to write,
Yet my love is not hard to find.
I just ask you forgive my flaws,
My defects as they come to light,
And the tears which the words will cause.

What do I love about you, Breanne?
Is it the hair which pales the summer—
Baby bows when first our “love” began,
But chestnut brown it is today?
Do your locks make all grief number
As in the cool winds they sashay?

Or is it the eyes that glimmer
Blue-green like emeralds on strand?
Do they make everything dimmer
When compared to their splendid charm?
Do they make this life all more grand
As we walk its path arm in arm?

Is it the imagination
Which so draws kindred spirits near,
Held captive in fascination?
Is it your love of all things seen
Even when they cause you such strong fear?
It these which cause me to dream?

My love, I adore you for you.
Your soul is what intrigues me most,
More than looks or esprit can do.
They are notes in a symphony,
Of which my soul is glad to host.

You’re my life, Breanne-with-an-e.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers