And There Are Things That Follow This Quietly To The Past, We've Seen All Those Faces, We Won't Go Looking For Trouble

--"Just Like We Do", Eisley

I started calling Tara "buttercup" because Reese's Peanut Butter Cups" is pretty much my all-time favorite candy in the world. I believe the exact reasoning I explained to her was that Peanut Butter Cups were my favorite candy bar in the world and she was my favorite person at the time, so it kind of made sense to correlate the two. I don't know what it exactly meant. I didn't find her exactly sweet or chocolatey. She never did remind me of peanut butter exactly. I think the only association I could hang my hat on was the "two favorites" theory. But like all other pet names or nicknames, it stuck. I think the whole eighteen months I was with her I continued to use that nickname exclusively.

I give everyone nicknames--everyone important, that is. I find it's often the only link I have to keeping someone in memory. Whereas sometimes I'll forget a face ten minutes I've seen it, if I stick an individual with a nickname, I'll remember that person for life. It's probably because I endow so few people, considering, with nicknames. I mean--it's the quickest arbiter of how close I feel to a person outside of my family. If I've taken the time to label you some godawful nickanme, then you at least know I enjoy my time talking to you. Some people have known me their entire lives and I've never bothered to dream up a nickname for them. It doesn't mean don't enjoy their company. Far from it. It just means I don't particularly like the ebb and flow of conversation with that person. It just means that on a scale of friendship, they're possibly one level above acquaintances. To earn a nickname, means you'd have to reveal something quite personal about yourself, and the majority of people I have found are loath to do that. They'll talk on the surface, which is all well and dandy, but that's all it is. It doesn't reveal any depth to them. It doesn't fire up my imagination or my brain. It doesn't warrant commemoration with a nickname. It's small talk and I've never been a big fan of small talk.

When Marion was knighted with her name, it wasn't simply because she was a fan of Indiana Jones. It was the fact that she went into such depth about it, to the point where she let me in on the secret of why she did or did not identify with certain characters from the film. It commemorated the dozens of talks we've had regarding film, art, the creative process, as well as the sense of isolation we both have felt at times. Marion just isn't the feisty arm candy to Dr. Jones in the first movie. She's also the gal who was spurned by the first man she ever cared about, the one who had doubts about her self worth after enduring this trauma. She's the one who was ultimately left alone on a mountaintop, afraid she would have to fend for herself for the rest of her life and not entirely sure where to begin that process. That's who Miss Marion is. That's why that's a perfect name for her.

Or when I call Epcot, Epcot, it's not merely because that's where we first met. It's because that's how for the longest time I saw her as. She was the shy, afraid eleven-year-old girl who had lost her family, yet still had enough trust in me to follow me around until we found them. That's who Epcot is. She doesn't say much. She feels a lot. But, in the end, she does what needs doing. That's how she gets by with life. That's how she became a doctor even though, in her own words, there were four or five times I wanted to quit. She still gets shy. She still gets afraid. But she still manages to get where she needs going, whether that be back to her family or back from losing Joshua.

Miss Flibbertigibbet--Miss Flib, for short--is a flibbertigibbet. Yet I saw that with all affection because it takes a confident person to admit her shortcomings. Miss Nancy Drew, Miss Sexy Thang, Miss Canadian Sweetheart--they're all imaginative ways to remember stories each of them have told me that weren't exactly easy to admit.

The way I view things is that a name is just a string of words. A nickname, however, is the face behind the name. A nickname is the real revelation of character; it's the real arbiter of a person's personality; it's a real indication of what a person is rather than who a person is. I mean--a person's name is a tool that distinguishes him or her from any other person, but a person's nickname is what makes them unique.

I myself have had tons of nicknames pasted upon me. Following is a short list starting from grade school and continuing onward:

Tricky
Penguin
E.T.
Eeyore
Fitz
Schlitz
Turok, Dinosaur Hunter
Brillon
mojo shivers

There's a story behind each one of them. Some of them I've liked. Some of them I have disliked, but all of them I've kept for a long time. I wear them proudly because not everyone I know calls me by every single name. It's a way for me to remember what kind of person I was when I first took up the mantle of that particular name. It's a way for me to be that person again. It's a way for me to put on that face again.

And when I choose to employ Breannie instead of Breanne, it's not to be cutesy or coy. I don't always choose to use my special name for her. If I want to be funny I could always use Lucy because even mentioning that name in front of her cracks me up. If I want to be terse or brief with her I could always use B. because it's a form of shorthand that we've adopted (except in my case she calls me E. for Ernest, though I co-opted it to mean Eeyore). No, I only use Breannie when I want her to remember the girl I met and the girl I immediately started to adore. From the first moment I heard her name, Breanne Haley Holins, I thought it was too much name for such a young woman. I told her that she reminded me more of a Breannie than a Breanne. And that's where the name stuck.

Though she's far grown-up now to really fit into her whole name, I still remember when she wasn't. I still remember what made her special to me from day one.

I choose to call her Breannie and I'm the only one who'll ever call her that because she can try to be somebody else, somebody more mature or elegant or experienced. But to me she's still that beautiful, graceful, and intelligent sylph I had no choice to care about.

It's not just a nickname for her. It's who she is to me.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers