We'll Travel In Class, Going Far, Follow The Stars, And We'll Be There For Sure

--"Tonight Is Forever", Acid House Kings

There's a point most days of the week that I look forward to. It's that point after I've been to the gym or out with Ilessa or whomever when I get to drive home. There's usually hardly anybody on the streets or the freeway. And it's quiet. I don't advocate driving really late at night, especially if you're really tired. Providence knows I've gotten into my fair share of close calls while trying to get back to my own bed before I have to be up the next morning. Yet I think there's a serenity in solitude that I find appealing. Even tonight, after working out kind of harder than I have all week at the gym, the first thing I thought of as I was gathering my stuff was how cool and relaxing the drive back was going to be. It's not even a long drive--at most, ten minutes--but I appreciate the time alone all the same.

Then again, I've always liked driving by myself. I've always liked the control over what CD I play, what route I take, and even how fast or slow I take the drive. Starting as far back as Tara I remember consciously making the choice to take the drive up from Santa Monica to Oxnard on PCH to clear my head. I must have made that drive about twenty times now. And it's the same every time. I start the drive mad as all hell, impatient with the whole world, and all I want to play is something loud and fast on the radio. However, by the end of drive, I've calmed down. Indeed, by the end of the drive it's usually two or three in the morning and I can't even remember what I was pissed off about. It's like I toss all my anxiety into the ocean waves below the cliffs I'm driving on, never to be seen again.

While every drive isn't as relaxing as that, they all accomplish the same goal. They all put me in a better mood. I admit it, I get in bad moods pretty quickly. It doesn't take a lot to annoy me. But it doesn't take a lot to turn me around either. Sometimes all it really takes is a drive somewhere and back to fix me. I can tell you that if I didn't have that hour or so to drive for lunch at work, I'd be a lot more stressed at my job. Sometimes I don't even like the food where I'm going to but I've calculated just how much driving and how many songs it's going to take for me to push through the last couple hours at my job. Shite, sometimes I don't even need to eat for lunch. Sometimes what I'm really looking for is the space between sitting at my terminal and having to return back to it.

And I don't even know why it makes a difference driving at night either. Sure, it's less crowded and, sure, it's a lot less bright. The biggest difference I think is the fact it feels like I'm out there alone. I own the night. There are stretches of PCH where it's pitch black and I won't see another car for ten or fifteen minutes. It feels like I'm on my own private road, the I've taken over the night and nobody can take it away from me. I don't answer my phone. I don't stop for gas (which has been the cause of many tense moments at one in the morning, I can tell you that much). I don't even try to predict when I'll be home. When I'm out driving out at night, it's not about how quickly I can get home. It's about enjoying the ride. As long as I get home in one piece to sleep the evening's memories away, I'm fine. I guess I'm just a person who thoroughly enjoys the driving experience, especially when it truly is about the journey and not the destination.


we are the city life
tonight is forever
until the lights go out

Yes, there are some days I wish I had company more often. But most of the time I dread shuttling people around in my car because it means they're talking over my songs usually about something entirely annoying. Or, worse yet, they're concentrating on something they want to discuss and missing out on the opportunity for sweet silence. There's plenty of time to talk when the car is at a complete stop, safely parked somewhere. For me I think driving or even being a passenger should hold some reverence with it. There's a time and place to busy yourself with the day's events, to share stories about what happened to you or how somebody you're seeing has messed up your entire day, and there's even a time and place to share a good laugh. A lot of the time I'm using my time to drive as an escape. That can't happen if you're constantly reminding me what I have to come back to once the ride is over. Let me have my delusion that I can drive forever, I say. Let me have that hour of happiness. The world's too much without a chance to get away from it, even if it's only by barricading oneself into the vehicle of his choice.

That's why it's got to be at night for me. That's the only time that all the conditions are favorable for losing myself to the music of the darkness.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers