I'm Gonna Tell You Something Good About Yourself, I'll Say It Now And I'll Never Say It About No One Else

--"Eighties Fan", Camera Obscura

I was posed the question the other day if I thought there was one place where it was impossible to stay mad at a person. I gave it about half a day's thought and came back with the only possible answer that made sense to me. It wasn't the bedroom because lord knows I've had my share of fights there. The old chestnut about never going to bed angry has never really held genuine for me. It wasn't anywhere public because I've been the cause of many embarrassing fights amongst the people. And it wasn't at anywhere that's supposedly neutral ground like hospitals or churches. In fact, I think if one's made enough, it's possible to stay mad at almost any location.

Except when you're sharing a bath or shower with someone.

In fact, that's my theory for the week. I think it's impossible to maintain any sort of ire towards a person if you're in that particular set of circumstances. You may get someone mad enough where they refuse to do that. Indeed, I've been in long-standing relationships where that would be the last thing this other person would even conceive of sharing. But I've also been in a lot of disagreements, arguments, what have you, where it was only ended because we both agreed to cool off at the same time. It's a tough sell. It is worth it, though.

The reasons why you can't stay mad at a person there and nowhere else are twofold.

One, I don't care how mad you are at your boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband. There's something about seeing them nude that lessens any fire you may be feeling. Sure, it's sexual in origin, but it's also the idea that there's still enough of a connection there that you're still the person allowed to see them in that state. More than that, you're still (supposedly) the only one allowed entrance to their cleansing routine. Even more than having sex with a person, even more than being allowed to sleep in their bed, there's a huge level of trust involved in being able to bathe next to someone. Unlike sex and unlike sleeping next to someone, there's nothing to distract you from seeing all of a person. You may be preoccupied with thinking about having sex with them, but (most of the time) it isn't originally what you go into the bathtub for. That's my feeling that, even in the midst of turmoil and supposed hatred for an individual, as long as you're able to consent to going to the shower together there's still enough trust there to make it through any fight.

Two, I believe it's physically impossible to argue or shout in the shower at one another. It can't be done--not for any considerable length of time at least. I've never been so pissed at a person I was seeing that I though it appropriate to carry the argument into the shower. I've been angry enough at a person where I had to go take one to cool off. I've been sad enough after a fight to console myself there whilst my tears intermingled with the spray of the shower head. I've even been scared enough that a relationship was going to end to hide out in the shower to avoid having that dreaded conversation. But I've never been quite so mad to fuss and fight behind the shower curtain with a person. Quite the opposite happens to me, actually. I'm normally an honest person. I don't believe in small talk and I don't believe in sugar coating my disappointment with flattery. Most of the time with me you know exactly how I feel when I'm feeling it. However, while I'm in a shower with a person, I get even more effusive and ebullient. I don't just state my feelings there. I don't just go into my reasonings for feeling as I do. I start to babble about anything and everything having to do why I was upset. Unlike normal circumstances, there's something about the shower that makes my explanations less heated and more genteel. I'm totally convinced it has everything to do with the idea that running water over unencumbered skin can put out any fire. I'm also convinced that when one is showering or bathing someone, the time element gets tossed out the window. You're there to share a moment and that moment can last as long as you need it to be.

It's no short coincidence that some of the nicest things I've ever uttered have been in the shower. The juxtaposition of viewing someone at their most clean and unencumbered by clothes or false posturing or even the bias of the argument itself, leaves me a window where I can tell a person to their face, into their eyes, what I really think of them. No shame. No shyness. No bullshit. There's no hiding behind the bubbles, there's no pretending they aren't who they are. If beneath all the pent-up frustration and seething malice there still lies a heart full of love for a person, that's what I say. All that other stuff gets washed away with the other dirt and grime.

Some of my worst fights with the most argumentative of people have been ended with a well-timed shower.

Some of my most memorable compliments about various people have arisen from a confluence of circumstances surrounding a lazy bath with someone.

It makes me wonder how many of the world's worst differences of opinion could be solved with a shower held under the banner of good will or how many great speeches, the kind of speeches that change history, could be conceived from the inspiration of a nice bubble bath with one's soul mate.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers