Extreme Ways That Help Me, That Help Me Out Late At Night, Extreme Places I Had Gone, But Never Seen Any Light

--"Extreme Ways", Moby

"The first time I saw Goonies I was actually in Boy Scouts, around '87," I told her.

"For a cinema merit badge? Is there even such a thing?" she replied.

"Nah. Even if there was, I highly doubt that The Goonies would qualify as fine cinema. Mostly it's just escapist fare. No, every year our church held its fair during March or April--I forget. Every year they would pitch up all the tents, construct all the booths, and lay out whatever machinery was needed for them. 1987 was the first year our troop was put together so, more as a favor to us than anything else, they asked us to camp out overnight to 'guard' the tents."

I heard her laugh on the other end of the line. I didn't hear for myself anything worth laughing about, but apparently she had mined a bit of humor from that particular set-up to the story.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I have this mental image of y'all standing guard in pairs by your tents with those cavalry sabers, darling. Never mind my shenanigans. Continue."

"It wasn't like we were actually guarding anything. I think we were more of a deterrent than truly security. I don't know if they had a problem with hooligans the year before. All I know is we didn't have any trouble that first year we were there. Especially with a fully operating beer garden down there, it could have been calamity."

It'd been ten years since that day and I was explaining to Little Miss Chipper about the circumstances that led up to my first viewing of one of my most cherished movies. Normally, I would have lied and said I had seen it in the theaters, that I had been part of The Goonies cult right from the beginning. However, the real story had a charm all its own. I don't know why it's so important to me to be on the ground floor of projects or activities that I later get involved in, but it's been a bias of mine to backdate when and where I started appreciating all my favorite things. Yet, even though this particular film came out in 1985, I was content to fully admit that I hadn't seen it till 1987.

Besides, in 1985 I would have been ten, almost a full five years before I would take the initiative to see movies of my choosing on my own.

"You didn't have the local Girl Scout Troop staying overnight with you guys?"

"No."

"Because that could've been calamity as well..."

"No, it was an all-boy party that evening, B."

"...what with all the fornication and general sex-making that could've been had, Eeyore."

I heard her giggling at her own mental image. I waited for her to quiet down before continuing.

"Are you quite finished?"

"Yes," she answered sheepishly.

"Do you want me to finish my story now?"

"Please, thank you."

"At any rate, it's rather boring camping out in the field next to a myriad of wooden booths and cloth tents. A man can only take so many games of Ninja Hide-and-Go-Seek and Smear the Queer. A few hours after we had made and ate dinner, and after we had been busy running around like wanton fools, we were bored. Someone suggested that we whip out a deck of cards, one person even suggested I bring out the wrestling game I had designed and had often brought to our meetings, but I thought that was a typical late-night option. I didn't see the sense in blowing our load so early when we had all night to exhaust other avenues.

"That's when John's dad and a few of the other fathers told us about the surprise. It seems they had rented a few movies as well as requisitioned the church VCR that was already in the meeting hall."

"Beer gardens and films? Hell's bells, that doesn't sound much like roughing it."

"Oh, it was hard. It was so hard."

"Get a bunch of pre-adolescent boys together, you know?"

"Whatever, woman."

More laughter.

"Luckily for me the two movies they had chosen were two I hadn't seen before, The Last Starfighter and The Goonies. The Last Starfighter was okay, but it wasn't anything that I was particularly interested in. I paid attention through the whole thing, though.

"Goonies, on the other hand, is a movie I still hold in high regard to this day. I'll never forget the first time I watched that with my troop."

"Why's that?"


I would stand in line for this
it's always good in life for this

"I don't know--it was the first movie where the adventure was being had by people my age. Sure, there were other films that had kids as their main stars, but nothing in the vein of the escapades that these kids had to endure. The whole spelunking, being chased by career criminals, finding pirate treasure, and making friends with the nice mutant--all of that was great. It was like watching Temple of Doom if Short Round invited six of his friends to come along."

"Is that all, sugar? Is that the whole reason I should watch it?"

"No, it's more than that. I don't know if I can describe it to you."

"You can try."

What I was trying to explain to her is that the sense of camaraderie that The Goonies shared was sort of the same sense of belonging that I had with the Scouts. That belonging was very eerily echoed in the movie.

"Have you ever just wanted to be a part of something bigger than yourself? Not because you particularly cared for the thing itself, but because you'd just been on your own for so long?"

I could hear the acknowledgment in her silence before she even had to answer.

"It's like when they go down the cave at the start of the movie, they aren't just fighting to save their own skins. They're fighting to save each other's. When--and I mean when--you see it, you'll see that it's one of the only movies where the adventuring and the hijinx serve the purpose of keeping them together. True, they're fighting to stay alive despite the obstacle thrown at them, but they're also fighting for their friendship which, aside from love, is one of the best reasons to fight for anything. It's like if someone gave me the choice to fight for riches or for someone I believe in, I'm much more likely to risk my neck for someone rather than something I love. It just so happens in this movie that the two goals coincide."

"I always thought it was one of them 'boys'' films and that I wouldn't like it."

"Because it's a bunch of boys running around?"

"Exactly."

"Well, it is that too. It isn't like the movie's preaching to you in scenes of hugs and kisses; it isn't a chick flick," I laughed over the phone. "It's a high-spirited romp through the mountain with a lot of twists and surprises thrown in for good measure. But beneath it is a message that really like and I think you would too."

"Oh, would I?"

"Yeah. Before you, Goonies was the ideal of going out of one's way to help somebody else out. You know me, Breanne. I'm not usually altruistic for altruism sake. Well, before I watched this I didn't even know that there was such a thing as having friends that you could see yourself dying for. It's what kind of made me look for you in a way."

"If you put it that way. Hell's bells, I'll pop it in right now."

Going into the conversation I hadn't really planned it end up on the point where it had. I was more concerned with rectifying the situation where she had never seen the film (despite having received it as a present on her tenth birthday). Where it turned up was a discovery that I made when connected the dots between the Boy Scouts and her. I had never really liked what the Boy Scouts did; I really more enjoyed that sense of being a part of the group. It's the same way with my Breannie; I don't enjoy everything she believes in or stands for. But I believe in the fact that she would stand by me when I need her most. That alone makes me want to reciprocate the desire. Not only that, but she's willing to indulge my horrible need for people to watch, listen, or read my favorite pieces of entertainment. She was willing to do this even though before I had talked to her she would have rather died than watch it.

You know what, though? She and I belong to our own little Goonie pack.

And Goonies never say die.

"Hold on, I'm going to get my copy. I have an idea. We should start them together. It'll be like watching it next to you..."

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers