One Swan Is Deceiving Us All, Oh, I For One Should Know, I Never Felt Myself So Graceful, And I Never Swam So Slow
--"Swans", Camera Obscura
Tomorrow afternoon, after I get home from work, I shall be purchasing an Xbox 360 game called Sacred 2: Fallen Angel. I'm going to get home, put it into the system, and probably play straight through the night. I've already decided that this endeavor will require me taking Wednesday off because, frankly, I know how I am with anything new and shiny. If it's anything like I have done with previous games I've been waiting a year for, I may need to take off Thursday.
Crazy, I know. It's what my co-workers tell me. It's probably what my boss is going to tell me when I request Wednesday off. It's what Laurel said when I had to turn down an invitation to the Red Sox/Angels game on Wednesday. On any other given day Red Sox would come first. But tomorrow is launch day for something that I immediately knew would be my cup of tea as soon as I heard the description. A hack-and-slash action RPG that can trace its lineage back to Diablo and Diablo II? Hell, that's all you had to say, son. I mean--it'd be one thing if this were an undertaking I thought I might like, but this is so in my wheelhouse, as they say, that it really should be called Sacred 2: Fallen Angel for mojo shivers and be hand-delivered to my house.
The last time I had this sure of a feeling I would like something was when Diablo II came out. Back in 2000, when it first came out, I spend almost four to five hours playing. My typical day after work would be have dinner with DeAnn, watch till like ten or eleven with her, and then play till like three in the morning. To put it mildly, I was obsessed with the game. I remember how much worse it got after I hooked my co-worker Will from Sears on the game. After that my days became literally play till three in the morning, sleep, go to work and talk about last night's adventures in the game for eight hours with Will, then dinner and tv with DeAnn. It was a non-stop cycle. It got so bad that there were nights where she, like she was mom, would cut me off from my time to play until we spent some alone time with one another.
To this day, I think if you ask her, she'll cite Diablo II as one of the contributing reasons we broke up. If you ask me, I'd definitely tell you that, barring an emergency, the game took precedence over her.
I'm still afraid to get lost
in a city I might explore
I'm afraid that's what's going to happen with this game tomorrow. I know I have an addictive personality. It's the whole reason I never started smoking. It's the whole reason I never started doing drugs of any sort. I already get tunnel vision when it comes to everyday habits; I don't need anything added to compel to keep at something.
Here's the thing, it wasn't just that I found Diablo II fun. It was the fact that the customization was so extraordinary. It gave me a sense of control that only writing has seemed to match. It was an escape, yes, but more than that it was my chance each day to feel like I mattered completely. It's really easy to become overwhelmed with the euphoria of being so completely immersed in one's own self-importance and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. As much as I hate to toot my own horn, I was good at playing the game. In those two years where I played it all the time, it began to feel like the only thing that I was good at. I hated my job, even though I loved my co-workers. I was falling out of love with DeAnn, even though I still liked her immensely. I was just dissatisfied with a lot of what was going on in my life, but not nearly enough to do anything about it. I felt stuck. And what's more I felt powerless to complain to anyone because, hey, taken against the backdrop of what my life was like five years before that, how I was doing was amazingly good. It just wasn't perfect.
Well, when I was wandering around Sanctuary, the world of Diablo, things were perfect. If I didn't like something, I just went out and found or bought new items. Unlike the real world, the most it ever took to change my situation was maybe a week of playing. Things happened quickly, things that I wished to happen. Instead of being mired in the quagmire of bureaucracy or compromise or sacrifice, I got what I wanted relatively immediately.
It made me feel good in a way that the rest of my world, including DeAnn and Breanne and everyone else I claimed to be close to, couldn't... at least at that time. I was searching for something that I didn't think people could give me, that real life could give me, so I started chasing something intangible. And I chased it to a silly, little game.
----
The only thing about chasing that kind of joy is that if you put all of it in that one thing it causes you to completely throw everything else to the wayside. Things were never the same with anybody for a long time after I started. To be honest, the only person I was able to hold a decent conversation with in those days was Will. He was the only one who could understand what it was like to be chasing that imaginary high. DeAnn couldn't understand and I partly hated her because I couldn't share it with her. Breanne and I stopped talking for weeks at a time and to this day I still think that's partly to blame for her and Greg meeting, because I wasn't interested in keeping my end of the friendship. I didn't even see or talk to my parents or the rest of my family for months at a time.
I put aside everything because nothing else could make me as happy as the game.
And then when the game stopped making me happy, guess what, nothing and no one could make me happy. Instead of cultivating multiple plants to provide me that brand of sustenance, instead of planting seeds of fulfillment in a few choice spots, I catered to one specific plant and let all the others die. That's the danger of obsession. In the end, one source of happiness is never enough. You've got to have a few different places to turn.
You've got to have a few different people to turn to.
You can't go on chasing one thing or one person in order to make you happy because, in the end, no one person can do that for you.
----
I'm hoping I don't get hooked on Sacred 2. I'm hoping that after Wednesday I can keep my play relatively under control. Unlike in 2000 I've got too much else going on to spend all my time on one hobby any more. I've learned my lesson (hopefully).
There's more than one game I play now, even though I'm thinking Sacred 2 will become new favorite. I know there's more than one star in the sky... even if she'll always be the brightest.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
Tomorrow afternoon, after I get home from work, I shall be purchasing an Xbox 360 game called Sacred 2: Fallen Angel. I'm going to get home, put it into the system, and probably play straight through the night. I've already decided that this endeavor will require me taking Wednesday off because, frankly, I know how I am with anything new and shiny. If it's anything like I have done with previous games I've been waiting a year for, I may need to take off Thursday.Crazy, I know. It's what my co-workers tell me. It's probably what my boss is going to tell me when I request Wednesday off. It's what Laurel said when I had to turn down an invitation to the Red Sox/Angels game on Wednesday. On any other given day Red Sox would come first. But tomorrow is launch day for something that I immediately knew would be my cup of tea as soon as I heard the description. A hack-and-slash action RPG that can trace its lineage back to Diablo and Diablo II? Hell, that's all you had to say, son. I mean--it'd be one thing if this were an undertaking I thought I might like, but this is so in my wheelhouse, as they say, that it really should be called Sacred 2: Fallen Angel for mojo shivers and be hand-delivered to my house.
The last time I had this sure of a feeling I would like something was when Diablo II came out. Back in 2000, when it first came out, I spend almost four to five hours playing. My typical day after work would be have dinner with DeAnn, watch till like ten or eleven with her, and then play till like three in the morning. To put it mildly, I was obsessed with the game. I remember how much worse it got after I hooked my co-worker Will from Sears on the game. After that my days became literally play till three in the morning, sleep, go to work and talk about last night's adventures in the game for eight hours with Will, then dinner and tv with DeAnn. It was a non-stop cycle. It got so bad that there were nights where she, like she was mom, would cut me off from my time to play until we spent some alone time with one another.
To this day, I think if you ask her, she'll cite Diablo II as one of the contributing reasons we broke up. If you ask me, I'd definitely tell you that, barring an emergency, the game took precedence over her.
I'm still afraid to get lost
in a city I might explore
I'm afraid that's what's going to happen with this game tomorrow. I know I have an addictive personality. It's the whole reason I never started smoking. It's the whole reason I never started doing drugs of any sort. I already get tunnel vision when it comes to everyday habits; I don't need anything added to compel to keep at something.
Here's the thing, it wasn't just that I found Diablo II fun. It was the fact that the customization was so extraordinary. It gave me a sense of control that only writing has seemed to match. It was an escape, yes, but more than that it was my chance each day to feel like I mattered completely. It's really easy to become overwhelmed with the euphoria of being so completely immersed in one's own self-importance and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. As much as I hate to toot my own horn, I was good at playing the game. In those two years where I played it all the time, it began to feel like the only thing that I was good at. I hated my job, even though I loved my co-workers. I was falling out of love with DeAnn, even though I still liked her immensely. I was just dissatisfied with a lot of what was going on in my life, but not nearly enough to do anything about it. I felt stuck. And what's more I felt powerless to complain to anyone because, hey, taken against the backdrop of what my life was like five years before that, how I was doing was amazingly good. It just wasn't perfect.
Well, when I was wandering around Sanctuary, the world of Diablo, things were perfect. If I didn't like something, I just went out and found or bought new items. Unlike the real world, the most it ever took to change my situation was maybe a week of playing. Things happened quickly, things that I wished to happen. Instead of being mired in the quagmire of bureaucracy or compromise or sacrifice, I got what I wanted relatively immediately.
It made me feel good in a way that the rest of my world, including DeAnn and Breanne and everyone else I claimed to be close to, couldn't... at least at that time. I was searching for something that I didn't think people could give me, that real life could give me, so I started chasing something intangible. And I chased it to a silly, little game.
----
The only thing about chasing that kind of joy is that if you put all of it in that one thing it causes you to completely throw everything else to the wayside. Things were never the same with anybody for a long time after I started. To be honest, the only person I was able to hold a decent conversation with in those days was Will. He was the only one who could understand what it was like to be chasing that imaginary high. DeAnn couldn't understand and I partly hated her because I couldn't share it with her. Breanne and I stopped talking for weeks at a time and to this day I still think that's partly to blame for her and Greg meeting, because I wasn't interested in keeping my end of the friendship. I didn't even see or talk to my parents or the rest of my family for months at a time.
I put aside everything because nothing else could make me as happy as the game.
And then when the game stopped making me happy, guess what, nothing and no one could make me happy. Instead of cultivating multiple plants to provide me that brand of sustenance, instead of planting seeds of fulfillment in a few choice spots, I catered to one specific plant and let all the others die. That's the danger of obsession. In the end, one source of happiness is never enough. You've got to have a few different places to turn.
You've got to have a few different people to turn to.
You can't go on chasing one thing or one person in order to make you happy because, in the end, no one person can do that for you.
----
I'm hoping I don't get hooked on Sacred 2. I'm hoping that after Wednesday I can keep my play relatively under control. Unlike in 2000 I've got too much else going on to spend all my time on one hobby any more. I've learned my lesson (hopefully).
There's more than one game I play now, even though I'm thinking Sacred 2 will become new favorite. I know there's more than one star in the sky... even if she'll always be the brightest.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
Labels: Camera Obscura, Diabo II, obsession, priorities, Sacred 2
posted by mojo shivers @ 1:05 AM
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