This Is Why Events Unnerve Me, They Find It All, A Different Story, Notice Whom For Wheels Are Turning, Turn Again And Turn Towards This Time

--"Ceremony", New Order

I have a birthday coming up on the 10th. Yet, to be certain, I'm more excited that both my brother and my friend Toby's birthday are coming up on the 12th. Don't mistake me--I'm glad to be receiving gifts and all, but the weight of the occasion still hasn't hit me yet. The way I see it, turning thirty-four is about as momentous as turning thirty-three, which is to say it isn't very momentous at all. On that day, nothing's going to truly change for me and there won't even be any kind of celebration to commemorate the date.

Yes, I'm having a few dinners with a select group of friends and relatives all this week, but there will be no birthday party, bash, or any type of shindig to be had.

Frankly, I think I outgrew birthdays by the time I was twenty. I've never been all that jazzed about parties celebrating me. I've always preferred to put forth the energy into other people's celebrations. I've always strived to make other people's birthdays memorable and special. I suppose it has something to do with the idea of me not liking to call attention to myself--the no good-bye rule and the no small talk rule--but I also believe it has to do with the idea that birthdays in and of themselves aren't very noteworthy. It's not like an anniversary where you're celebrating an actual choice; birthdays really celebrate something you had no control over. That's why it's okay for friends and family to want to do right by you in making a big deal about your birthday. It's their choice to really honor the fact how long you've come in the world by choosing an arbitrary date to turn the metaphorical hands of the clock of your relationship. But to move the hands of one's own clock is to really acknowledge that there is a clock which is moving all the time in the first place.

In my case, it's neat to think that my "little" brother will be thirty-two years old this Monday or that Marion will be turning the same age when I first met Breanne, but it just makes me sad to think I'll be turning ten or more years older than people who have accomplished more than me.

Basically, my birthday is what holidays are to most people...

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers