You Can't Always Get What You Want

--"You Can't Always Get What You Want", The Rolling Stones

Most of the time I'm wary about getting hustled. I am very paranoid about people trying to fool me or persuade me to do something that I don't want to do. The way I see it, almost everyone has an angle. There's no sense in believing that everyone is completely honest with you about their agendas. All it does is get you in trouble when the time comes for people to take advantage of you.

In that regard I'm very wary about people begging for money from you on the street. Hell, I'm even wary about people trying to sell you stuff on the street for supposed school fundraisers. I've been involved with too many scams that involved preying on people's sense of charity and their willingness to support children's educational efforts. In most situations where somebody is begging for money I'll go to extremes to not give them any. Yet I never tell them no. As my friend Jeff makes fun of me for, I usually tell them, "that's alright." They ask, "can you spare any change?" I tell them, "that's alright," making it sound like I'm letting them off the hook. The only way it would send less ritualized is if I were to add, "That's alright. Don't worry about it."

The reason I give them this answer is most people are conditioned to argue against a no, especially in a situation where they are asking for something they want. What most people aren't prepared for is when a person is sounding magnanimous about their request. Again, as Jeff puts it, I always manage to sound like I'm doing them the favor by telling them now. It's like I'm telling them not to go through the trouble of asking me. Save your energy, please. Don't go to any effort just for little 'ole me, as Lucy might see.

However, there was one instance of someone asking money from me that stands out as being a complete example of turning the tables on them. I was just leaving my parents' house with my cousin when we needed to stop at the gas station. As soon as I started filling up the gas tank, a vagrant comes up to me and asks for money. He was right in the middle of his pitch when he noticed my Boston Red Sox sweatshirt. Suddenly he shifts tactics, asking if I'd been to Boston in an attempt to make conversation so he could butter me up. I know what he was thinking, he was thinking that by getting me talking and being friendly with me I'd be more inclined to give him some of my change. Instead, I launch into a five-to-ten minute diatribe about Boston and the fun I have there every time I go. While I'm waiting for the tank to fill up I'm describing the towns I usually stay in while I'm there, how great I think the T is, going to the Sox games, eating at the restaurants, &c.... By the end of the conversation I can tell it is I who have him in the palm of my hand. My suspicions are confirmed when the tank is finally full and I'm putting back the gas pump. That was his opportunity to ask me if there was any opportunity to ask me.

But I don't like him talk. Rather, I just thank him for listening to my "Silly stories about Boston" and suggest that he go visit there again soon. He tries to make a meager gesture with his hand to ask for money, but I just nod. I just tell him, "Oh, that's fine. You don't need to ask me. You've done enough just by listening to me." Again, rather than let him have the power by feeling I owe him a little something; I just turn it around by making it seem like I'm letting him off the hook of having to do me a favor.

That's the best way I've figured out to combat somebody pressuring you into situations that you're uncomfortable with. Treat it like they're putting themselves out and wave it off.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers