I Can Be A Friend To You, I Won't Pretend, I'm Not Interested In Breaking A Heart, It's Not Love, No, It's Nothing Like That

--"Suspended From Class", Camera Obscura

I have a very specific process when I write a true short story. It's the same process I've been using for almost twenty years now. Normally, I would only let people see the finished product, but people have always asked me what the general technique I have for churning out a small tale and I thought it would make for an interesting experiment to show you day-by-day procedure for writing a traditional mojo shivers short story.

Lucky for you I usually write my usual fourteen to fifteen page short stories in three days. The first day, as shown here, is spent writing every line of dialogue each of the two characters will ever speak. I'll let you in on another secret. Most of the time the central conversation is based on an actual dramatic conversation I've been involved with in my life. That said, rather than making up some inane code name for the two people involved, which most people who know me can tell which one of my friends I'm speaking to anyway, I'll just put down the conversation as it really was. Granted, it's not verbatim, but, as both people involved can attest, it's pretty darn close to being the sequence of events as they happened as well as being the sentiments involved.

The second day is spent turning random bits of dialogue into an actually fleshed-out story. That's where I turn eight pages (and it's always eight pages) of dialogue into fourteen or fifteen pages of story. That comes your way tomorrow.

The third day is more like a quarter of a day. That is the day I usually clean up any grammar mistakes and all holes in the plot. I shan't bore you with those details because what you'll basically be reading is the same story from day two, only with small additions and tweaks.

I hope you enjoy the story because I think it's really going to turn out well. I only hope you stick around tomorrow to see how what you see today turns out into something so much more tomorrow.

Enjoy.

P - Take a listen to those guys. I bet you can hear them clear across the whole dining room.

B - Some people just have a knack for making their private laundry public.

P - Promise me something, Breanne. If I ever cause a scene like that you’ll take me out back and beat me with a switch.

B - I hate to break it to you, but it wouldn’t be the first scene you’ve caused with me in public.

P - Says the girl who runs away all the time.

B - Technically, sugar, those aren’t scenes since I don’t go around parading myself in public.

P - I think those would still be scenes because it causes quite a spectacle back at your house. Friends, family, the cops, all gathering on your behalf. I’d say you’ve had your fair share of scenes caused.

B - Since I’m not present, I’m not actually causing a scene.

P - So what then?

B - Maybe we could agree that a scene arises after my actions but not as a direct result.

P - So a scene merely spontaneously appears after you just happen to leave?

B - Kind of like St. Elmo’s Fire. Those scenes magically appear.

P - (After listening further to the argument a few tables down) Wow, this sounds to be a four-alarmer.

B - Shush. You shouldn’t be listening to their conversation anyway, Patrick. It’s impolite.

P - It’s kind of hard not to.

B - Do you ever wonder in arguments like those when exactly it is the particpants
actually realize that everyone can and probably is listening in? I mean—in situations like those, I don’t exactly get self-conscious, but there always comes a point when I can imagine what everybody else around me must be thinking.

P - That girl’s crazy?

B - Or that couple’s crazy.

P - I know what you mean. I always reach a point where I want to shut up and let everything die, but I just can’t let the fire die. You came to a crossroads where there really is no turning back.

B - Exactly. Sometimes there’s no unbaking the cake.

Arguments like these almost make me want to step in and intercede. They’re obviously not doing so well in resolving their differences. I believe that a third party may be the solution they’re looking for, like a mediator.

P - You wouldn’t.

B - (pretending to get up, but ultimately sitting back down) I wouldn’t… but I could.

P - I know that. You’re capable of anything.

B - What in Providence does that mean, darling?

P - Nothing. Just that I wouldn’t put anything past you, especially when it goes to show how “sassy” you are.

B - Sassy, huh? You think of me as sassy.

P - I think of you as Miss Sassy, The Sassy Princess, The Sassinator.

B - Okay, Copy Boy. (beat) Do you think I’m too forward.

P - Don’t mistake me. I think it’s a good trait to have. It’s a lot of the reason why I like you.

B - But?

P - But sometimes I think you do things just because people don’t think you will. Maybe they don’t tell you that in so many words, but I think, when you’re presented with an option to do the more mundane thing or the more flashy thing, you’ll always opt to do the showier thing.

B - So you’re saying I have a streak of proud princess in me?

P - If the veil fits, Breanne.

B - No, no, no. I’m not saying you’re incorrect. It’s a little off-putting to hear someone else to call out my shortcomings, even if it is you.

P - It’s nothing I haven’t told you before.

B - No, I know you have. And, believe me, you’re not the only person who has. It’s been a long time, though. Honestly, I thought I’d lost some of my vanity with old age.

P - If eighteen is old age, then what am I?

B - Ancient? Prehistoric? Fossilriffic?

P - Anyway. I do think you have mellowed with age. I don’t consider you as self-absorbed as you once were. Yet, if you were to ask me if you’ve lost all of your self-admiration completely, I’d have to answer you have. Face it, Little Miss Chipper, it’s just a part of you.

B - I know. But everyone always talks about how it’s this bad quality to have in a person and I’ve sincerely been trying to shed it like a family of ticks for awhile now. It’s disheartening to be told I haven’t succeeded completely yet.

P - What about me? What do you find quite the same about me?

B - Besides your utter failure at being able to compliment somebody?

P - Seriously.

B - Seriously (in a deep voice).

P - There’s nothing that you think I’ve shed that I really haven’t?

B - I don’t know. What have you been trying to shed?

P - Nothing consciously. However, I do think I’ve changed some in the intermittent years since meeting you.

B - It’s like trying to trying to see how far a brook has shifted sideways when you live right upon its banks, you know? I’ve been there for all the subtle changes that sometimes it isn’t so easy to see them for myself.

One thing I’d have to say, though, is that I think you’ve come far in terms of showing how you feel. There were times when you could be frigid.

P - See? I never thought I was especially rigid around you. I always thought I was rather forthcoming in how I felt about you and where the two of us stood.

B - Oh sure, you’ve always been that way. Now… now you’re more of that way. I don’t know—it’s hard to put into words.

P - I’m glad you see one aspect of positive growth in me, Breanne.

B - I’m just glad I had something to report, Eeyore.

P - I always thought I told you how I felt or maybe it was just that I always thought you knew.

B - Oh, I always knew. It’s only that a girl likes to hear the words also every now and then.

P - Got it.

B - Besides with someone like me, telling me how you feel is tantamount to a compliment and well, you know.

P - Yeah, I know.

B - I think we’ve both come a long way and, if I daresay so myself, I think we both have reached an age where we could be considered mature.

P - Oh, we’re all sorts mature.

B - I’m serious, Patrick.

P - We’re all over this mature thing.

B - Okay, maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe I can be considered mature and you’d still be considered a dork.

P - One thing I can tell you for sure. We’re way more mature than that couple over there. They’re still going strong after, what, fifteen minutes?

B - Can I ask you something?

P - Isn’t that my usual question? (beat) What? Am I being obnoxious again? Do you want me to stop?

B - Please, thank you. Do you think if we’d been more of a couple we would have ended up like them?

P - Do I think if we were more involved than we already are if we’d be fighting like crazy all the time? No, I don’t think so.

B - Why not? We fight a lot, sugar.

P - I don’t think any more than any set of friends.

B - Seems like a lot to me.

P - I think we’ve fought more often in the past.

B - True. There’s that maturity beast rearing its ugly head again.

P - I think we’ve reached a stage where petty squabbles are a thing of the past. I think we’ve reach a place in our lives where we are just comfortable with one another. Don’t you think?

B - Definitely. I just worry sometimes that perhaps what we have is either too little or too much for this, us, to survive. I feel that sometime soon we’re going to have to move forward or back… or I don’t know.

P - Why would you say that?

B - Because there comes a point in everyone’s life where the same just isn’t the same, where being at the same place you were a year ago isn’t really all that healthy. I’m afraid that what makes this, us, special needs to change to continue, otherwise, we’re doomed to lose it.

Crazy, huh?

P - A tad. I wouldn’t worry about it.

B - I’m not worried. I’m thinking is all. You probably think I’m sorry as a two dollar watch. I can’t help it sometimes. Sometimes I think it’s true we’re not destined long for this world.

P - That makes me think you think we’re dying.

B - Maybe we’re each not dying, but perhaps we’re dying in a way.

P - Do you really want to rehash this again? I thought we were both pleased with where we are. I thought everything was running smoothly.

B - Maybe smooth is not that smooth. Maybe choppier waters are what is called for if only to show that there’s still some life left in this ‘ole vessel.

P - Is that how you really feel or are you just talking out of your lily white ass?

B - Lord knows I talk a majority of the time from there, but, no, I’m being
upfront. I truly believe we’re worth more than skirting around the issue.

P - I would think that you would get tired, like me, about always trying to definie where and what we are. It’s like fruitcake. Sometimes it’s better not to know what something is and to leave it alone.

B - And I would think it would drive you batty to just sit there unawares as to how much somebody you claim to be important to you actually means. Aren’t you the least bit curious to see if trying again would be in vain?

P - Not in the least. I’m happy where we’re at and, deep down, I believe it’s for the best that we don’t try again.

B - I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to say to that. I have no response to that.

P - I can be a friend to you, Breannie. You know that. I just don’t know how much more you can honestly expect from me. All the same problems that made it impossible then make it still impossible now.

B - I know, I know. Call me curious, though, I thought you were always the idealistic romantic. I never took you for a liar in that regard, Patrick.

P - There comes a point after being constantly redirected away from one’s efforts that one begins to get the hint, as they say. It’s too hard to constantly want something, someone, and to be rebuffed by circumstance at every opportunity.

B - Even if the someone in question has never done any of the rebuffing?

P - Even if.

B - Well, I think that’s plain sad.

P - I know it is.

B - What I think is this. I think that certain people are like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Certain people just belong together. Now, I’m not saying that you and I are like destined for each other or that we would end up in the happily ever after scenario, but I think it’s worth a shot to give it a shot.

P - Even if we end up like them?

B - Even if. I believe it’s up to us, it’s our responsibility to try and keep trying until we’re both sure it’s not going to work. So what if it’s hard or that it’s all been said and done before. So has marriages all over the world. You don’t see people giving up on the institution altogether and I don’t think it’s right for us to just give up on this.

P - Even if it’s a matter of fitting a square peg into a round hole.

B - Even if it’s a matter of fitting a basketball into the eighteenth hole on a golf course. We need to try again.

P - I don’t think so.

B - Look, darling, I’m not going to bed. I’m still just tossing ideas at you here. We’re both adult enough to conversate about this without resorting to histrionics. You can follow plainly enough the meaning of my words by my saying them. You know me. I haven’t changed, I’m still Breanne. I’m still little ‘ole me. I’m not going anywhere even if the two of us as an us doesn’t work out. But I want to give it another go.

P - I don’t understand why.

B - Because, because, because, we’re supposed to. Because that’s the way it is. Because that’s the way I feel. Because of a lot of little reasons that don’t make a whole lot of sense when spoken aloud. But, mostly, because I said so.

P - Is that right? And I’m supposed to follow along blindly because you ordered it?

B - Exactly.

P - What happened to us moving past that stage? I thought we had given up the foolish whims of an arrangement that could never come to a suitable conclusion. I thought we both decided it was better to settle for reality.

B - One, I’ve never settled for anything, and, two, woman’s pregorative and all that.

P - Oh, I see.

B - I know you still care about me. I know you still love me.

P - That just doesn’t go away no matter how much easier I think it would be. Sometimes, though, you have to give up what you want for what will make you happy.

B - And you don’t think I’ll make you happy, Patrick?

P - I think you’ll try, but there’s just too much that won’t work out, can’t work out.

B - Then why did you invite me out here? I thought it was because you wanted a taste of what it could be like.

P - I’m not going to lie. I’m not going to tell you that there isn’t some part of me that yearns for you like a horny, little schoolboy. I’m not going to say that you don’t still rank as one of the most perfect women I have ever met. I really would be crazy not to want you. But mainly I wanted you out here because, well, you’re going off to college, during which we’ll probably stop being friends or at least as close as we are now. Call it our last hurrah before everything changes for you. That’s the way I thought about your trip, at least.

B - That’s just great. And here I was silly enough to believe you were going to ask me to be something more to you precisely because I was going off to college. Silly me. (she gets up)

P - Don’t walk away. Please, let’s just finish our lunch and we can talk about this some more after.

B - I could no more eat lunch with you now as stand to look at you. I want to go back to the hotel. Take me back, please, thank you.

P - (gets up) I don’t want to make you more upset, Breanne. If you really want to go back, we’ll go back.

B - It’s what I want.

P - (takes her hand) I’m sorry. I know I’ve disappointed you.

B - What can I say? You have.

P - You knew it was never going to be easy with me when you met me, Breanne. That much hasn’t changed.

B - I know, I know. I just didn’t know everything, everyday would be so difficult is all. I do believe that often times I don’t think I was born with the sense God gave geese. If I had I wouldn’t be so intent on someone who always seems to break my heart.

P - I don’t break your heart, do I, Breannie?

B - You really do. And you know what’s worse?

P - What’s that?

B - There is no one else I’d rather have put it back together again afterwards. It’s a mean trick how you managed to pull that off.

P - I wish I could be everything you want me to be, Breanne. But I just can’t.

B - I know.

P - You know I love you… with all my heart.

B - Sure.

P - I don’t know what more else to say.

B - You don’t have to say anything else. Can’t we just stand here and can’t you just hold me? I'd like that. (holds her)

You have to know I'll always love you. No matter what.

P - Aren’t you afraid we’ll cause a scene?

B - I don’t care. Now shush.

P - (whispers) Breannie mine, with her eyes so bright, tears so silvery, and my kisses still wet on her cheek...



Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers