You Get Down, Real Low Down, You Listen To Coltrane, Derail Your Own Train, Well, Who Hasn't Been There Before?
--"If It Makes You Happy", Sheryl Crow
I went to see Little Miss Sunshine this past weekend thinking that it would be good, even great. What I did not expect was that it would epitomize one of my unofficial tenets of life, namely, that the most important question to ask yourself is not whether or not you can do something, but do you really want to do it. If you haven't seen the film, it's basically a comedic study of the way our culture as it is now pursues happiness at a breakneck pace. Every character has a dream and it is the no-holds-barred manner in which they either pursue or pursued their ambitions that is both their downfall and what makes their intertwining stories so humorous. I love the way the movie blends the six main characters in various stages of achieving or being let down by their own desire to succeed and sticks them all on a VW bus on a journey straight to Hell. Needless to say, I love the movie and I really could stand to watch it multiple times, but I love the message it tries to convey even more.
I was involved in a discussion today about how the ability to obtain something is not the same thing as wanting it, just as the ability to love someone is not the same thing as being in love with them. Much like a decade ago I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that my supervisor would rather receive a free hamburger over a free lobster, I used to buy into the adage that the bigger, bolder, fitter, faster a product was, the better it was. I used to buy into the culture that one always has to be working towards a goal full-speed was the only path to happiness. Now I know that simply isn't true.
The way I look at it is this, just because you have the potential to be the smartest in your class or to earn four times what you're earning now doesn't mean that's what's going to fill the big hole you have in your heart. Like the guy in The Girl Next Door says, you have to ask yourself if the juice is really worth the squeeze. The older I get, the more mature (supposedly) I get, the more I find myself constantly asking, "is this what I really want? At the end of the whole process am I going to find myself in a better place?" More often than not, I come to the conclusion that I truly am not going to be progressing in any significant direction or amount if I followed through with most of the directives friends, family, or assorted personae advise me would be the "perfect thing for me to do." Friendly advice is what it is, advice. I have noticed that in the past I used to wholly rely on what other people told me would make me happy and now I've realized that that elusive goal of happiness has always been one goal I've had to set for myself.
I don't march to the beat of everyone else's drum. I know that. Hell, I don't even march as quickly as everyone else seems to. I'm just not in a hurry to get somewhere specific because I haven't found my somewhere specific yet. The whole reason I think people are miserable is because they put all their effort into the one plan that's going to affect their lives in so many ways. However, if they fail at that one plan, they are crushed. If the plan doesn't work as quickly as they originally saw, they are crushed. If the plan doesn't go as smoothly as they originally intended, they are crushed. I honestly think trying so hard to be happy is what makes people so miserable.
if it makes you happy
then why the hell are you so sad
There's a book I read called Fuck Yes: A Guide To The Happy Acceptance of Everything by Reverend Wing F. Fing. Most of the story is bullshit since it's a comic novel disguised as an autobiography disguised as a self-help book. Basically, all the chapters begin with one maxim of self-improvement that actually makes sense, which are then illustrated by examples from the author's life. The only caveat is that the author doesn't actually exist and the the examples are told in chronological order so they form a reasonably formed plot, replete with individual motivations, character arcs, and the like. I tell you that to tell you this. The underlying message of the book I find to be undoubtedly true; there is no reason one cannot be happy in some small way every moment of your life. I don't think it's possible to be happy every second, but I don't think there's any big obstacles to this end. The whole philosophy in that book is to do what makes you happy and stop the things that make you unhappy. No should be stricken from your vocabulary. If you want to do something, quit bitching about the consequences, and do it. A lifetime of happiness is built on moments on happiness and not punishing yourself moment by moment, witholding the joy from your life, all in search some magical pot of happiness at the end of the rainbow. It just doesn't happen that way--your lifetime of suffering doesn't magically get wiped away after you've made that first million or gotten that house in the Hamptons. There is no reason why being successful means being deprived. "Make right now right and worry about 'later' later." and "Little moments of happiness lead to a lifetime of happiness" is such an easy lesson that I find it funny that it took an underground banned novel to spark the idea in me.
so what if right now everything's wrong?
That's why in the last few years I've adopted a more malleable strategy for finding my bliss. I don't set as many future goals as I once did. I try to set smaller ones, ones that I can accomplish by the end of day--hell, even by the end of the hour. For instance, writing posts on this stupid blog has been proven to make me happy, so one goal I set for myself most days is to get a post done. That's all. It may not be building the Taj Mahal, but it's something significant to me that provides me an ounce of joy where there was none before. Another tenet I've set down for myself is not to give myself so many timetables. No longer do I say such-and-such has to be done by this time or this date. Most of the time I leave projects open-ended. Using the same example, I don't tell myself a post has to be done by 1:00 a.m. or 2:00 a.m. Tonight before bed is as specific a timeframe as I came up with. Lastly, I've stopped basing on what makes me happy on other people's reaction. No longer do I do anything to please anybody else if it's my goal. I won't say "good-bye" or "hello" just because it's what's expected. Saying those things out of fear of being embarrassed has never made me happy. I say those things when I want to who I want as often as I see fit. Period.
For now, that's what my keys are to happiness. Finding happiness should never be something that stresses you out or for even the least bit makes you uncomfortable, angry, or sad. I mean--if the whole goal is to find something that makes you able to enjoy your entire life, what good is trying to achieve that goal if the entire way there you're miserable? The three steps I've laid out for myself--small, attainable goals; open-ended deadlines; and a focus on pleasing myself and only myself--are my insurance that I never have to do something that annoys me, which is the first and only cardinal sin, and that I never have to be unhappy over something petty.
Basically, I've discovered that Mitch Hedberg had it right when he said, "I'm tired of chasing my dreams. I'm just gonna find out where they're going and hook up with 'em later."
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
I went to see Little Miss Sunshine this past weekend thinking that it would be good, even great. What I did not expect was that it would epitomize one of my unofficial tenets of life, namely, that the most important question to ask yourself is not whether or not you can do something, but do you really want to do it. If you haven't seen the film, it's basically a comedic study of the way our culture as it is now pursues happiness at a breakneck pace. Every character has a dream and it is the no-holds-barred manner in which they either pursue or pursued their ambitions that is both their downfall and what makes their intertwining stories so humorous. I love the way the movie blends the six main characters in various stages of achieving or being let down by their own desire to succeed and sticks them all on a VW bus on a journey straight to Hell. Needless to say, I love the movie and I really could stand to watch it multiple times, but I love the message it tries to convey even more.I was involved in a discussion today about how the ability to obtain something is not the same thing as wanting it, just as the ability to love someone is not the same thing as being in love with them. Much like a decade ago I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that my supervisor would rather receive a free hamburger over a free lobster, I used to buy into the adage that the bigger, bolder, fitter, faster a product was, the better it was. I used to buy into the culture that one always has to be working towards a goal full-speed was the only path to happiness. Now I know that simply isn't true.
The way I look at it is this, just because you have the potential to be the smartest in your class or to earn four times what you're earning now doesn't mean that's what's going to fill the big hole you have in your heart. Like the guy in The Girl Next Door says, you have to ask yourself if the juice is really worth the squeeze. The older I get, the more mature (supposedly) I get, the more I find myself constantly asking, "is this what I really want? At the end of the whole process am I going to find myself in a better place?" More often than not, I come to the conclusion that I truly am not going to be progressing in any significant direction or amount if I followed through with most of the directives friends, family, or assorted personae advise me would be the "perfect thing for me to do." Friendly advice is what it is, advice. I have noticed that in the past I used to wholly rely on what other people told me would make me happy and now I've realized that that elusive goal of happiness has always been one goal I've had to set for myself.
I don't march to the beat of everyone else's drum. I know that. Hell, I don't even march as quickly as everyone else seems to. I'm just not in a hurry to get somewhere specific because I haven't found my somewhere specific yet. The whole reason I think people are miserable is because they put all their effort into the one plan that's going to affect their lives in so many ways. However, if they fail at that one plan, they are crushed. If the plan doesn't work as quickly as they originally saw, they are crushed. If the plan doesn't go as smoothly as they originally intended, they are crushed. I honestly think trying so hard to be happy is what makes people so miserable.
if it makes you happy
then why the hell are you so sad
There's a book I read called Fuck Yes: A Guide To The Happy Acceptance of Everything by Reverend Wing F. Fing. Most of the story is bullshit since it's a comic novel disguised as an autobiography disguised as a self-help book. Basically, all the chapters begin with one maxim of self-improvement that actually makes sense, which are then illustrated by examples from the author's life. The only caveat is that the author doesn't actually exist and the the examples are told in chronological order so they form a reasonably formed plot, replete with individual motivations, character arcs, and the like. I tell you that to tell you this. The underlying message of the book I find to be undoubtedly true; there is no reason one cannot be happy in some small way every moment of your life. I don't think it's possible to be happy every second, but I don't think there's any big obstacles to this end. The whole philosophy in that book is to do what makes you happy and stop the things that make you unhappy. No should be stricken from your vocabulary. If you want to do something, quit bitching about the consequences, and do it. A lifetime of happiness is built on moments on happiness and not punishing yourself moment by moment, witholding the joy from your life, all in search some magical pot of happiness at the end of the rainbow. It just doesn't happen that way--your lifetime of suffering doesn't magically get wiped away after you've made that first million or gotten that house in the Hamptons. There is no reason why being successful means being deprived. "Make right now right and worry about 'later' later." and "Little moments of happiness lead to a lifetime of happiness" is such an easy lesson that I find it funny that it took an underground banned novel to spark the idea in me.
so what if right now everything's wrong?
That's why in the last few years I've adopted a more malleable strategy for finding my bliss. I don't set as many future goals as I once did. I try to set smaller ones, ones that I can accomplish by the end of day--hell, even by the end of the hour. For instance, writing posts on this stupid blog has been proven to make me happy, so one goal I set for myself most days is to get a post done. That's all. It may not be building the Taj Mahal, but it's something significant to me that provides me an ounce of joy where there was none before. Another tenet I've set down for myself is not to give myself so many timetables. No longer do I say such-and-such has to be done by this time or this date. Most of the time I leave projects open-ended. Using the same example, I don't tell myself a post has to be done by 1:00 a.m. or 2:00 a.m. Tonight before bed is as specific a timeframe as I came up with. Lastly, I've stopped basing on what makes me happy on other people's reaction. No longer do I do anything to please anybody else if it's my goal. I won't say "good-bye" or "hello" just because it's what's expected. Saying those things out of fear of being embarrassed has never made me happy. I say those things when I want to who I want as often as I see fit. Period.
For now, that's what my keys are to happiness. Finding happiness should never be something that stresses you out or for even the least bit makes you uncomfortable, angry, or sad. I mean--if the whole goal is to find something that makes you able to enjoy your entire life, what good is trying to achieve that goal if the entire way there you're miserable? The three steps I've laid out for myself--small, attainable goals; open-ended deadlines; and a focus on pleasing myself and only myself--are my insurance that I never have to do something that annoys me, which is the first and only cardinal sin, and that I never have to be unhappy over something petty.
Basically, I've discovered that Mitch Hedberg had it right when he said, "I'm tired of chasing my dreams. I'm just gonna find out where they're going and hook up with 'em later."
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
posted by mojo shivers @ 2:04 AM
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