If I Looked All Over The World, And There's Every Type Of Girl, But Your Empty Eyes, Seem To Pass Me By

--"Dancing with Myself (covers)", The Donnas

Of the five, I can explain four of them rather easily.

Starting with number one, redheads, I can tell you that's a visual cue. I mean--from day one of school (and maybe even back to Wendy) red hair has always just looked better on a person than any other hair color. That can be chalked up to having a discerning eye,

Numbers two and three, Southern and Canadian, I honestly believe it harkens back to the accent. I've been a fan of the English-derived family of accents since I heard my first one on television. Australian, Irish, and, yes, even Canadian--people who speak with those particular vocal traits seem to be more interesting and possess more charisma than people who don't. Again, that's just my ears tricking my brain into paying attention.

Number four, basketball players, is an easy one. It's the uniform. 'Nuff said.

However, number five has never been an easy one to explain. Female drummers are an anomaly, even to me. It isn't like every female drummer does it for me visually. And the gods know only two well that I've never actually met a female drummer (other than Chloe from Smoosh) so it's not like there's a proven history there. Nope, for all intents and purposes, the reason female drummers make it onto the list of those ineffable qualities that comprise my perfect girl is strictly theoretical. I place stock into the concept of female drummers based on the idea alone.

And here's why.

Female drummers are, relatively speaking, a rarity. Unlike redheads and unlike girls from the South or Canada, or even unlike female basketball players, one is not going to be bumping into too many gals behind the drum set. That instantly puts them in the rarified air of being an elite class of people, which, as you may know by now, gives me reason enough to admire them. Anyone who can make it a field not normally catered to them will draw my attention rather quickly. That's enough to earn brownie points.

However, female drummers don't usually represent the face of the band either. They're not the front women, they're not the sexy lead guitarist types who crave all the attention. They're content to hang back and allow the uniqueness of the situation they have placed themselves in to be the only quality that makes them stand out at all. There's something to be said about people who don't have to make a big production out of themselves just to get noticed. Of any instrument, I've always thought drummers are the coolest people on stage because they allow everyone else the spotlight and never insist any for themselves. I think that's why I always notice the outstanding drummers, because when you notice the drummer it's because of their prowess and not some other quality like appearance, showmanship, or outrageousness.

Mostly, though, the best hypothesis I can come up with is that a female drummer represents a female presence in a usually male-dominated profession. Even moreso than the whole basketball player fetish, female drummers speak to the tomboy/girl-next-door fantasy that has been a staple of my writing. I don't get the deal with the whole sexy librarian scenario, but I do get it when one sees a lovely lady doing something that usually only guys do. It's not necessarily about empowering females to follow in whatever pursuits they want as much as the notion of it being a refreshing change of pace--not to mention a much-needed change of scenery.

I don't know where it started. I don't know why it persists to this day. But those are my ideas where the proclivity may have originated from and some of the rationale behind it. I've seen and dated a few women in my time, but I have never dated a female drummer.

I don't know--I guess I wanted it down on paper why that'll be a quest that may last my entire my life.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers