Every Time I Get My Hopes Up, They Always Seem To Fall, Still What Could've Been Is Better Than, What Could Never Be At All

--"Could've Been", Tiffany

I learned today that Alaska stands alone as the state that eats the most ice cream per capita annually than any other state in the country. Frankly, it took me by surprise because I always thought it was Massachusetts and its myriad of local ice cream shops. What doesn't take me by surprise is the fact that one of our colder states retains this title. Some would like you to believe that the reason Alaskans or any other northern state dwellers prefer ice cream is that by its consumption it lowers your internal temperature. This leads to the sensation of being warmer since one's body is closer in proximity to one's surroundings. It's the same rationale why people tell you to eat hot soup in the Summer. In that instance one's body temperature rises and soon approaches that of the temperature outside, leading to the distinct feeling that it has gotten cooler. It's a tidy explanation but I'm not buying it.

My theory as to why more people who live in the more frigid states prefer ice cream than those of the more temperate states is that ice cream melts less when it's colder outside. I've always believed that melted ice cream is the most useless food on the planet. It becomes all soupy. It starts losing its luster. Frankly, it becomes an ungodly mess. Coincidentally, you only find melted ice cream when the median temperature is somewhat above normal. I've always preferred my ice cream when the weather is at its coldest because you can go the whole way eating through a sizable bowl of ice cream without losing a single drop to melting. Whenever I'm in Boston I make sure to buy my ice cream at night because you almost don't need to freeze it since the weather sometimes will preserve it in all its solidly packed goodness. And that's exactly what I'm looking for when I'm eating ice cream--rigidity. I like knowing the dessert I buy will remain just as it is when I first bought it regardless of where I may traverse to.

Maybe that's just because I'm a person who likes to know what I'm getting or a person who gets attached to having things a certain way. I sometimes have difficulty with promises which start out so appealing, but ultimately fail to live up to their potential. That's all ice cream is, the potential for a truly rich and satisfying dessert even surpassing that of cake which, unfortunately, more often than not falls far below its potential to absolutely blow your mind. At least with a cake there's stability there. More often than not if you leave a cake sitting out on a table for an hour, it will still retain its cake-like properties. You leave a bowl of ice cream on a table somewhere for an hour and you'll find yourself with a bowl of ice cream soup.


how can you hold what could’ve been
on a cold and lonely night

I've spoken a lot recently with Toby about her stance that it's better to let go of people before they change too much on you. While I still don't agree with her point-of-view, I'm beginning to see more and more where she's coming from. Sometimes I hold people to the same standards of ice cream. I would like nothing more to see the person I meet, the person I immediately form an affection for, remain just as they are. Sure, there are moments where I'm the first proponent for some sort of push in the direction I want the relationship to go, but more often than not I find myself in the role of the old nostalgic, wanting to hold onto a bit of the past in which seemingly everything was sublimely perfect. I'm of the opinion that buying into a person, letting them into your life, is a bit like buying a car. It's not an easy choice or one that you make on an impulse most of the time. And most of the time all you're looking for is a car that appeals to you and which will prove reliable. Now, when it comes to letting people into my life, I'd almost put a priority on the latter criteria than the former. I'm much more willing to overlook a person's other faults, whatever they may be, as long as they prove themselves dependable. As long as I can accurately gauge a person's standard mode of operating I'm almost happy to overlook the deficits in their character. It's far easier to overlook a fatal flaw as long as you know it's there and always will be. What annoys me is when people act a certain way when you first meet them and then reverse footing to change their behavior in rather off-putting manners. When I can't predict a person's next reaction from day-to-day, month-to-month, year-to-year, &c..., that's when I start organizing my thoughts in the pursuit of finding someone else to befriend.

The steady decline of a person's personality from their youth till the reach maturity is some of the most disheartening days for me. It's like watching my ice cream slowly melt away from me. It's painful to see people change from being likable to being unrecognizably distant and strange. It's happened to me far too often for me to just brush it aside. When people change, for worse or better nominally, it always hurts. It pains me to know that they're no longer the person I care like I want to. It's like they're breaking some unwritten and unspoken covenant between the both of us.

While I wouldn't go so far as to follow Marion's example of abandoning people preemptively before they become unrecognizable, I definitely am more aware when a person's disposition starts to unravel at the seams. I may not marginalize that person's importance to me to any sizable degree, but I notice a shift in how I treat them. I can see all the little ways I change stemming from somebody else changing. I stop giving them the benefit of the doubt so often, I stop being so adamant about seeing them on a regular basis, I start abbreviating my conversations with them, &c...--all in an effort of minimizing the damage done to me when communication between us possibly breaks down. I won't "break up" with a friend simply because they start making adjustments to their life, but when those adjustments start adding up to a new person with new goals and aspirations running afoul of my own, that's when I consider walking away from the whole shebang.

After all, who wants a bowl of ice cream once more than half of what you started with has melted away? One can only take so much alteration to one's dessert before it starts becoming unappetizing and even sickening.

If only we could freeze friendships as easily as ice cream....

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers