I Will Always Hold Your Hand, I'll Never Let You Fall, 'Cause Nothing, Nothing Else Matters At All, If You're Scared Just Think Of Me

--"Cricket", Dance Hall Crashers

I saw Paranormal Activity on Saturday, which just happened to be my birthday too.

It is without a doubt the scariest movie I have seen in the last ten years. Never before have I seen people scared to leave their seats at the end of a movie, but that's what happened on Saturday. I have also never seen a film where half of the audience screamed at the same part loudly. Usually one or two people get jumpy, but that film had everyone on edge for the last two or three key scenes. I went to go see it with Case and Laurel, and they remarked how into the tension the whole audience seemed to be. At various times during the story, you could just hear everyone holding their breath in anticipation. Truly, it's an experience not to be missed.

Of course I was fucking scared out of my mind. Not only do I hate thinking about ghosts (even while I love ghost stories--go figure), but I already have enough trouble sleeping on a good night when nothing preoccupies my thoughts at all. This movie totally pinpricks at the idea that somebody or something could be messing with all of us while we are sleeping. Not only that, but it suggests that we are right to fear about going to sleep because seemingly that is when we are at our most vulnerable. Watching the couple in the movie endure night after night of something torment them was like watching one of my worst fears come true. But what made it even more frightening was the idea that any scary monster can be made doubly worse when one is attempting to confront it while under the duress of lack of sleep. I couldn't imagine trying to bolster my courage to face whatever terrors might await me in the evening when all I want to do is get a good night's rest. That's like a disease which both debilitates you while at the same time striking down your body's defense. Paranormal Activity does an excellent job at conveying the couple's inevitable decline into paranoia as more and more of their nights are given over into fighting an enemy they don't understand and can't even see.

Needless to say, I couldn't stay at my place alone on Saturday so I just stayed over at Casey's.


just close your eyes and ignore
the dark that troubles you most

I felt like an idiot carrying on about how I was too chicken to go home, but the truth was the truth. I wasn't about to attempt to face an empty condo alone--not when I had seen literally someone dragged from their sleep. I wasn't about to put myself in the position of having to relive that nightmare with no one around to rescue. I'd rather face ridicule. I'd rather admit that a film got to me where I'm bothered the most than later wish I hadn't been so proud. For their part, though, Zig and Zag, were most gracious hosts. I only had to ask them once if it was alright. I brought it up at dinner while we were still in Irvine and they didn't make me jump through hoops to get them to agree. Other friends might have been less than kind and taken advantage of the situation, but Case, true to her past form, just let the situation unfold naturally. I asked. They agreed. And no more was said of it.

I suppose I could chalk it up to them being on their best behavior because it was special day and all. And Faye even suggested that they did it partly because they were scared too so they wanted a third body in the house as a precaution. Also, it wasn't like I haven't spent the night in their spare bedroom before, right? But I think it went further than that. Birthday or not, scared or not, I think they both could tell that this was one of those times where logic simply wouldn't work with me. Yes, I know it's silly to be scared of something as hokey as ghosts, but that doesn't quite change the matter that I am scared of ghosts. And it doesn't change the fact that, like it or not, it takes me more than a few hours or even a day to be able to put such a fear at the back of my mind. Casey especially could see that it wasn't so much a request to be amongst friends that night while I slept; it was an entreaty for asylum. I honestly don't know what I would've done if they hadn't taken me in. I might have put up the money for a hotel room; that's how real my fear was.

I've been spending a fair amount of time with Z and Z lately. I'm almost always over at their place on the weekends--at least two weekends out of the month. Originally, I thought it was a matter of convenience. I'm coming from Lake Forest and Irvine. Their house is about ten to fifteen minutes away from there, a lot closer than where I live. It was convenient to call them to see if they wanted to hang out since I was already out there.

But this past weekend has proved that it isn't merely a matter of convenience and that the two girls aren't simply people put in my life to pass the time. They're really turning out to be two great friends in every sense of the word.

There's not a lot of people who would put up with a person who gets this worked up over a scary movie. There's not a lot of people who would understand me when I said that the fear is real. Most people would send me away with words of scorn, that I should grow a pair or face my fears. Only a true friend would be able to see that what I needed most on Saturday wasn't someone to tell me what the adult thing to do was; I needed someone (or someones) to hold my hand and tell me that everything would be alright by the next morning.

Lucky for me that that's exactly what I got that night.

My advice? Go see Paranormal Activity as soon as possible. Just make sure you take a friend with a spare bedroom with you... just in case.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers