The Fact That A Man's Needs, A Man's Needs, Are Full Of Greed, Full Of Greed, A Man's Needs, A Man's Needs, Are Lost On Me

--"Men's Needs (cover)", Kate Nash

When I was younger I never dreamt of winning the big fight or winning the big game. I've never just been one for competition. I'd rather engage in activities that don't place a premium on winning or losing. Even when I'm playing a board game, it's always been more about beating my own personal score than actively engaging in trying to beat someone specifically out. I don't know--I guess I lack that competitive that so many others are blessed with.

If anywhere, my competitiveness comes mostly out when I'm rooting for somebody else I happen to support to do well. I get most fired up when it involves somebody like the Red Sox or the Trojans beating another team. Or I get the most vocal when it's somebody I know who's trying to do well. But when it comes to me having to assert myself in a win or lose situation, that's when I adopt the attitude that it really doesn't bother me either way. That's when I do my darndest to keep the spotlight off of me because Providence knows I gain nothing by doing poorly and doing well only raises expectations. I'd rather do things my own way at my own pace in a fashion that makes me happiest, even if costs me doing well according to somebody else's definition.

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Recently I've come under attack at work for not sticking up for myself. For the most part, I guess one could say the accusations are true. I do not like office politics. I do not like being somebody who gets his jollies by positioning myself above someone else in some imaginary order. I'd much rather be someone who does his work independently of how it affects other people. I'd rather be just another cog in the wheel, moving along quietly, than constantly grinding against somebody whose only focus seems to be to cause friction. I may be an agitator and prone to ranting on here, but I can assure you when it comes to the workplace the last thing I want is any sort of hassle. Actually, more succinctly, I just don't want to be annoyed out of my skull at work. When people try to bait me into getting all defensive, that annoys me. When people poke at me and poke at me until I respond violently, that annoys me. At almost every job I've ever had I've had I've had the good fortune to be surrounded by people who are quite content to work with another instead of against another.

Then again, I guess I've never really worked in a real office before. It's a much different beast than working smaller offices and retail outlets.

Or to paraphrase my supervisor, there are certain people at my current job who are just like "high school bullies, who are going to cause problems and cause problems until you stick up for yourself and shut them up." My only thought to that proclamation was I thought I was done with that in high school. Like I said, it's been years since I had to deal with people whose m.o. seems entirely comprised of macho posturing. In any other situation I'd be more than content to let the preening peacock have his run of the roost by extricating myself from ever having to deal with him. However, seeing as this is my job and finding another job would prove rather difficult and time-consuming, I am compelled into remaining a situation that is unfavorable to my normal temperament.

I'm not cut out to give tit for tat in a war of words spoken aloud. I believe is life is too short to surround yourself with people who just make you feel bad about yourself and that's what my work's been like in the last few days. I wish I could go back to being in an environment more conducive to honest labor. Instead I'm stuck in a place where I have to constantly watch my back and carefully consider my every move,

Not only is it annoying, but it's also not what I signed up for. I don't want to put myself in direct opposition to anyone. Nobody should be forced to deal with people who are caustic in nature. Nobody should be forced to work along side people who are annoying as all hell.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers