I Couldn't Explain When I Said You're A Pain, I Never Knew Another Way, All The Times That We Saw Falling Down Every Hall

--"Twins", The Pains of Being Pure at Heart

I've discovered that there just isn't upside to fighting with close friends. Before it used to be important to me that I was right in a given situation. If I thought my ideas, my opinion of a matter could possess some validity, I would fight tooth and nail to see that the people around me would come to see perspective. It didn't matter what I lost or who I hurt. In the end being right was more important to me than keeping peace. Hell, I've even been of accused of escalating disagreements to fights in order to prove I was correct. I was the very definition of the ends justify the means.

But now I'm starting to see there's a little something to giving a little to get a lot. I still like to be right; that's the stubbornness in me. However, now I'm somewhat more eager to keep the connections I have and lose some face instead of fray the connections but keep my pride. Everyone says it. They all tell me that I've lost a bit of the temper that used to characterize my approach to arguing. No longer do I have murder in my heart and revenge in my mind. Sometimes I can even see the utter pointlessness in furthering a difference of opinion when the subject of that opinion is of no consequence. Sometimes I can even walk away from the table, calm myself down, and come back with a vastly improved outlook on matters.

Yet even with my newfound approach, there are still times where I hurt the other people in my life more than the situation calls for. I think today qualifies certainly in that category. There are still times where if I can't end it with the other people saying I was correct, then by God I'll end it with putting that other person in tears. Sometimes that's the only way I get any satisfaction.

Sometimes I really hate the fact that not only am I stubborn, but the fact that I'm exactly this stubborn. Sometimes I really hate the fact I'm more than willing to trade a moment of getting satisfaction for a couple of weeks, sometimes a couple of months, in somebody's doghouse.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers