Come Out Upon My Seas, Cursed Missed Opportunities, Am I A Part Of The Cure? Or Am I A Part Of The Disease?

--"Clocks", Coldplay

Breanne has extended me a most generous offer of coming to work with/for her over in Macon. And as much as I want to just dismiss it out of hand due to my many concerns, there's a strong part of me that is at the moment considering it. I mean--I'm not having much luck here and it would be nice to have her close by for a change.

Never mind that the summers there are horrible. Never mind that it breaks one of the big stipulations of our long-standing arrangement. I could use a job right now. Right now this is the only job that on the surface seems to meet my criteria of being a so-called "sure" thing and of being somewhat near my expected salary. Also, you know, the food there is great. It's not like I won't know a single person there as compared to somewhere completely new and foreign to me. And I really can do the job she has lined up for it. Hell, I could do it in my sleep.

Nope, what my wavering simply falls down to is that I've never lived anywhere but California. I've also never lived that close to her before. These have always been two aspects of my life that I thought best just to leave well enough alone. I've never once complained about California being worse off than any other part of the country. The weather's nice, the food's nice, and I know a lot of people here. I've also always firmly believed that perhaps Lucy and I wouldn't be such good friends if we were in each other's faces all the time. I believe maintaining the physical distance between us is one of the tenets to our long-standing friendship, that ability to have some space from one another when either of us feels it's necessary. With that gone I'm rather unsure how everything else will shake out.

I've talked long with many of the people I know about what I should do. What they say is that it isn't exactly the moving that concerns me; it's the idea that this will uproot everything I've ever held life to be. I won't have my family around me. I'll have to learn where everything I need is located. Hell, I'm going to have to learn all sorts of appropriate behavior over there and I already don't adhere to many of the conventions that are acceptable here. Over there my strangeness would even be more magnified because at least in California I can mingle among the other crazies here. They all say that the leap might be good for me if it comes to that.

I say that I'm still praying that it doesn't.

I don't want to go over there and find out that I don't like it. I especially don't want to get stuck there for awhile and not like. Also, I'm scared to death that if I do go over there she and I will just fall apart under the pressure. Aside from the tension of suddenly being in each other's lives a lot more, there'll be the added pressure of her sort of being my boss. That's not something I'm keen on exploring either. I've never been friends with my boss before. I've been friendly to them, but never what I'd call close friends.

I don't want to lose our friendship just to find a new job. As much as I would like a new job and need a new job, finding a replacement best friend/little sister would simply be an impossibility.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers