Oh, Oh, Oh, Who's That Twisting? Who's That Crunching? It's Oreo Action For Oreo Munching

--"Oreo Jingle"

I love their jingle, but my secret shame is that I can't stand Oreos. They never tasted right to me. I don't get the chocolate cookie and I certainly don't get the creamy middle. I've always been a straight-up no-nonsense chocolate chip or peanut butter cookie man. I probably always will be.

I remember growing up people would always peddle Oreos as being the end-all, be-all of cookies. I'd go over to my friends' house and there they would be. My friends' moms would offer me a cookie. They would present me an Oreo. I would thank them out loud, but inside I'd be thinking, "That's not even a cookie. That's a damned Oreo." It just goes to show what good marketing and advertising will do for you. While normally I'm the first individual to buy into the hype, if the ultimate product is inferior then I quickly lose interest.

There's no way around it. Oreos are just bad cookies.


that's one bad cookie

They're hard. They're dirty to the touch. And they taste sweet, sure, but the cookie part just becomes this black paste in your mouth while the creme just is all sorts of sweet awfulness. It's just a bad-tasting cookie on all accounts. And while I would never turn down anything that remotely qualifies as a dessert (Got to keep that dessert stomach of mine happy, don't you know?), you'll never catch me buying a package of Oreos. I can honestly say that if I never eat another Oreo it will be too fucking soon.

And what brought on this little rant against a veritable institution? I went looking for my favorite cookie growing, Keebler's Peanut Butter Deluxe, a nice, soft cookie with large chunks of peanut butter, and found out they had discontinued it. To say the least I was disappointed. If you'd been around me in the late 80's, early 90's that's all that would be in my parents' house. I always made sure that there was a package or two around, lying in wait in case my dessert stomach hit the E mark. If anything was an institution it was the cookies that literally had more peanut butter than cookie. If anything deserved to be revered as the cookie of a nation, it was those heavenly baked goods. If anything deserved to be discussed thirty odd years later, it's my favorite cookie.

We live in a shameful world when people are still eating Oreos and I can't even get one stinking Keebler Peanut Butter Deluxe cookie.

Sigh.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers