Don't Wave Me On, I Feel Almost Everything, I Am Here, Where I'm In Love, I Am Here, In Spite Of You

--"L.A. Is Mars", Biirdie

Last night I was finally able to watch with Ilessa the talented Hilary Hahn perform live at the Orange County Performing Arts Center With the Pacific Symphony. I'd have to say that Miss Hilary was even more impressive in person than I thought she would be. Her technical skill was impeccable--not that I know much about violin playing--but she certainly held that entire crowd spellbound. As I sat there, I couldn't believe how amazing everything sounded. I haven't been to too many classical performances, but hands-down this was the most memorable one of the bunch. As I said in the Rk.net forum, when I go see Rilo Kiley later on this week, they're going to have their work cut out for them as the best concert I've seen in the last few days. I couldn't have imagined a better way to spend two hours of my life.

Later on, I was able to get her autograph on a CD and even exchange a few pleasantries with her at the table. As far as celebrity autographs go, it wasn't my biggest score. However, her reputation as one of the most personable world-class violinists definitely holds up. From the little I saw of her chatting with the people and signing their programs and CDs, she didn't strike me as having any airs of being better than anyone else or not having the time for her fans. I mean--the concert was only two hours. The fact she stayed ninety minutes after just playing for her fans, who lined up in the hundreds to get her signature, impressed me very much.


there is something in way
of the world

----

However, all was not right in the land of mojo last night. My friend Miss Nancy Drew didn't want to wait around with me in line for the autograph so she went off sulking to wait for me in the car. I don't think classical music is her first choice of activities on a Saturday night. Personally, I thought it was something different than the usual dinner followed by a night of hanging out. Sometimes I believe you need to strike out for something different once in a while. I don't know--maybe she's right about trying to improve people and trying to instill culture into my friends. I don't believe I'm any sort of cultural guru, though. I like what I like. Ever since Breanne introduced me to Hilary I've been wanting to see her in concert. I was entirely prepared to go by myself, but it sounded like a fun thing to bring Ilessa to. And when I asked her, she didn't sound at all hesitant. It's possible she had a different idea about what the experience would be like. Or possibly, she changed her mind at the last second, but she definitely didn't enjoy the night as much as I did.

I think there's an ulterior motive for her subtle display of dissatisfaction. I wouldn't daresay this to her, but I think she's beginning to feel the weight of moving away next month after she graduates from USC. I've been telling her for months how bold of a move it is to pack up and go clear across the country for a new job in the new city. I've been telling her how it would be hard for me to try to make new friends and basically a new life for herself over there. But she just waved all such doubts away. Now that the semester's winding down and with graduation looming next month, it's beginning to hit her that she won't see me, her other friends, or her family for quite some time.

Sometimes it's inexplicable why and when people begin to feel the changes pressing in on their lives. Some people experience it in the opening stages of their decision to change. Me? I always feel right after the change happens. It doesn't matter how long I've weighed the decision, whether I've been mulling it for months or made an impulsive snap judgment--it never really hits me until I'm actually see the changes. For her I think she's been sublimating that her life was going to change all this time and, even though she hasn't seen the change yet, she's beginning to feel the tide of progress approaching.

I can't read her mind.

I can't tell you what she was thinking.

But aside from Boston and one or two more times during graduation season, it's the last time she'll be seeing me. That's a big deal to me. And maybe it's starting to become a big deal to her. Of course, it could be she was just tired from the evening. She could have been thinking about something else entirely. She could have had a headache or maybe she was simply irritable from being tired. Again, I don't know.

I just know she has a tendency to dismiss people when she doesn't know how to deal with any large emotions. We all do to a certain extent. Rather than go into any great detail about how she feels about a person--no momentous good-byes or displays of heartfelt emotion--she tries to make people irritated with her. It makes it easier for her to leave, I guess.

My only hope is that she doesn't end up in a situation I've run into my years, where she wishes she'd taken the time to tell people how much she was going to miss them or tell how much she appreciated them while she had the chance.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers