Oh My Life Is Changing Everyday, Every Possible Way, Though My Dreams, It's Never Quite As It Seems, Never Quite As It Seems
--"Dreams", The Cranberries
A saying I've always admired of Breannie's is that you can't go swimming without getting your face wet first. I've always admired it because when it comes to most things that matter I've always been a little hesitant to get my face wet, to get down and actually immerse myself in the actual planning and work. Sure, if it's something I think is fun, all one has to do is ask me and I'm on the nearest plane, train, or automobile to wherever it is. But I think more of my life has been predicated on what I mentioned in the post below--having fun while not losing complete control, being impulsive but not completely reckless. Conversely, on the things that should matter to me I again fall in this gray area--wanting to better myself without having to give 100% in effort, wanting the prize at the end the competition but hating the competition itself. I've just always been content to be play both sides, fancyfree yet somewhat responsible.
Lately, though, I've been considering that this year may be a pivotal one for me. I'm starting to have to consider a lot of my choices this year may not just affect the next few weeks, but the next few years maybe as well. As much as I love having Amber as a roommate and having the luxury of having my own space without actually having to maintain my own space, I can't keep renting forever. I need to start seriously considering buying my own house, which I know I'm not financially and possibly emotionally ready to do yet. I also have to consider that things may change personally for me after my trip to Chicago. So far I've maintained a delicate balance between keeping my feelings in check with allowing myself to care. After this trip, though, three lives may be irrevocably changed. And I haven't even considered the job situation yet--how long I'm planning to stay there, how happy I'll be if I do, or what I'd do if I wasn't doing that.
Right now I feel like I'm at a comfortable, even safe place in my life. I don't have to think much what tomorrow or the next week holds. I've got a good routine going. I've got wonderful friends, a wonderful roommate, and a wonderful situation with the people I love. I don't know what else I'd change right now. But I know it's only a matter of time when something's going to creep up that will change everything. What's comfortable now, what's safe now, may not appear so in the quickest of moments. I know I've got to start preparing, start planning, for the next stage of my life--whatever stage that might be.
I'm just scared I'm not ready.
I'm just scared my dreams aren't exactly in my reach.
I'm just scared to leave the point in my life I'm at now.
Oh 'twell! What's a little water on the face anyway?
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
A saying I've always admired of Breannie's is that you can't go swimming without getting your face wet first. I've always admired it because when it comes to most things that matter I've always been a little hesitant to get my face wet, to get down and actually immerse myself in the actual planning and work. Sure, if it's something I think is fun, all one has to do is ask me and I'm on the nearest plane, train, or automobile to wherever it is. But I think more of my life has been predicated on what I mentioned in the post below--having fun while not losing complete control, being impulsive but not completely reckless. Conversely, on the things that should matter to me I again fall in this gray area--wanting to better myself without having to give 100% in effort, wanting the prize at the end the competition but hating the competition itself. I've just always been content to be play both sides, fancyfree yet somewhat responsible.Lately, though, I've been considering that this year may be a pivotal one for me. I'm starting to have to consider a lot of my choices this year may not just affect the next few weeks, but the next few years maybe as well. As much as I love having Amber as a roommate and having the luxury of having my own space without actually having to maintain my own space, I can't keep renting forever. I need to start seriously considering buying my own house, which I know I'm not financially and possibly emotionally ready to do yet. I also have to consider that things may change personally for me after my trip to Chicago. So far I've maintained a delicate balance between keeping my feelings in check with allowing myself to care. After this trip, though, three lives may be irrevocably changed. And I haven't even considered the job situation yet--how long I'm planning to stay there, how happy I'll be if I do, or what I'd do if I wasn't doing that.
Right now I feel like I'm at a comfortable, even safe place in my life. I don't have to think much what tomorrow or the next week holds. I've got a good routine going. I've got wonderful friends, a wonderful roommate, and a wonderful situation with the people I love. I don't know what else I'd change right now. But I know it's only a matter of time when something's going to creep up that will change everything. What's comfortable now, what's safe now, may not appear so in the quickest of moments. I know I've got to start preparing, start planning, for the next stage of my life--whatever stage that might be.
I'm just scared I'm not ready.
I'm just scared my dreams aren't exactly in my reach.
I'm just scared to leave the point in my life I'm at now.
Oh 'twell! What's a little water on the face anyway?
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
Labels: Dreams, Future, Hesitation, Possibilities
posted by mojo shivers @ 10:33 PM
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