Watch My Back So I'll Make Sure, You're Right Behind Me As Before, Yesterday The Night Before Tomorrow
--"Tonight", Lykke Li
The problem with routinely waiting to do the bulk of one's writing late at night is that one runs the risk of being too tired to actually complete one's assignment. Most often I'm rather diligent in providing myself ample time to write just after dinner or just after primetime to get some piece of cobbled together before true weariness sets in. There have been a myriad of nights, however, where procrastination and a sense of ennui overwhelm any drive to compose anything of merit. Those are the nights like tonight where I seem to write with my eyelids half-closed and where the danger of putting something out in hurry and, therefore, shoddy becomes high.
I've always written most when the sun's down. There's some symbolism in writing when it's dark outside that's instinctual in me. At first, I thought it had something to do with the twilight hours being when the world slows down, when I'm not exposed to so many various external sources of noise pollution. I thought that it also had to do with something regarding my being less distracted by people knocking on my door or calling me on the phone, wanting a piece of my attention. I even thought it had something to do with the fact that I preferred writing when there's slim pickings on the television or when it's too late to do too much of anything else.
In actuality, the reason why I often can't sleep and why I always desire to fill my idle time after midnight with something productive is that I can't stand to sleep with a sense of unfulfillment. It doesn't matter how many works I put in at my job, it doesn't matter how many things I accomplished when I go out, and it doesn't matter how much I get done in the spirit of contributing to the world at large.
Writing is my "thing" and I don't feel like my day starts or that my day can end until I complete something I want to do. The evening is my time when I can play by my rules. It's the time when I can spend as little or as much time and energy doing something that ostensibly only benefits me. It's the time when I can choose to be as vague or as specific about the task at hand as I want.
I even believe that the weariness has something to do with making the conditions optimum for my creative process. When I'm tired I become more loosey-goosey as Breanne says, I stop attempting to justify myself with every step and I start trusting in my words more. When I'm more awake I tend to overanalyze each and every phrase I include, I start worrying how everything sounds rather than concentrating on how effectively I'm getting my point across. I never really dwelled on the matter before now, but I do believe that's why I tended to wait to the last minute before I wrote anything for school. I lock up when I can use all the parts of the brain; I do better when i can shut off or tune out all those parts which hold me back during the daylight. I do better when it's just me and my addled imagination conspiring together to produce something totally off-the-wall.
It's why I don't like sleeping until I'm absolutely exhausted, not before two or three in the morning most nights. Whenever I try to fall asleep any time before that state I become obsessed with examining the minutia of my day. I drive myself silly for hours on end because too much of my mind is actively trying to pursue every lead that presents itself. At least when I'm exhausted, I don't have the strength to contemplate anything seriously for any great length of time. All I have the strength to do is dream of something nice possibly and then pass out.
I truly feel that my writing is better served and I am better served by being more active precisely when I should be winding down for the night. I don't fight the inspiration so much and I don't fight whatever conclusions might arise from these little inspirational jaunts.
At night is when I thrive creatively because at night is when the whole slumbering world becomes my blank canvas, my blank black canvas.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
The problem with routinely waiting to do the bulk of one's writing late at night is that one runs the risk of being too tired to actually complete one's assignment. Most often I'm rather diligent in providing myself ample time to write just after dinner or just after primetime to get some piece of cobbled together before true weariness sets in. There have been a myriad of nights, however, where procrastination and a sense of ennui overwhelm any drive to compose anything of merit. Those are the nights like tonight where I seem to write with my eyelids half-closed and where the danger of putting something out in hurry and, therefore, shoddy becomes high.I've always written most when the sun's down. There's some symbolism in writing when it's dark outside that's instinctual in me. At first, I thought it had something to do with the twilight hours being when the world slows down, when I'm not exposed to so many various external sources of noise pollution. I thought that it also had to do with something regarding my being less distracted by people knocking on my door or calling me on the phone, wanting a piece of my attention. I even thought it had something to do with the fact that I preferred writing when there's slim pickings on the television or when it's too late to do too much of anything else.
In actuality, the reason why I often can't sleep and why I always desire to fill my idle time after midnight with something productive is that I can't stand to sleep with a sense of unfulfillment. It doesn't matter how many works I put in at my job, it doesn't matter how many things I accomplished when I go out, and it doesn't matter how much I get done in the spirit of contributing to the world at large.
Writing is my "thing" and I don't feel like my day starts or that my day can end until I complete something I want to do. The evening is my time when I can play by my rules. It's the time when I can spend as little or as much time and energy doing something that ostensibly only benefits me. It's the time when I can choose to be as vague or as specific about the task at hand as I want.
I even believe that the weariness has something to do with making the conditions optimum for my creative process. When I'm tired I become more loosey-goosey as Breanne says, I stop attempting to justify myself with every step and I start trusting in my words more. When I'm more awake I tend to overanalyze each and every phrase I include, I start worrying how everything sounds rather than concentrating on how effectively I'm getting my point across. I never really dwelled on the matter before now, but I do believe that's why I tended to wait to the last minute before I wrote anything for school. I lock up when I can use all the parts of the brain; I do better when i can shut off or tune out all those parts which hold me back during the daylight. I do better when it's just me and my addled imagination conspiring together to produce something totally off-the-wall.
It's why I don't like sleeping until I'm absolutely exhausted, not before two or three in the morning most nights. Whenever I try to fall asleep any time before that state I become obsessed with examining the minutia of my day. I drive myself silly for hours on end because too much of my mind is actively trying to pursue every lead that presents itself. At least when I'm exhausted, I don't have the strength to contemplate anything seriously for any great length of time. All I have the strength to do is dream of something nice possibly and then pass out.
I truly feel that my writing is better served and I am better served by being more active precisely when I should be winding down for the night. I don't fight the inspiration so much and I don't fight whatever conclusions might arise from these little inspirational jaunts.
At night is when I thrive creatively because at night is when the whole slumbering world becomes my blank canvas, my blank black canvas.
Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers
posted by mojo shivers @ 3:49 AM
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