Place Your Bets

As most of you know, I'm being deported next Tuesday along with my clone, to a long deserved vacation in Japan. We'll be eating, drinking, partying, sightseeing, shopping, spooning, and who knows what other activities ambiguously gay people do.

But the problem with this is, all that crap costs money! And since my side job of being an international hand model has not been as lucrative as I thought it would be.

Photographer: "Alright Fobio, I need you to hold your hands up in the shocker and punisher positions..."
Fobio: "Fobio doesn't do such positions. Fobio's pinky is too pretty to go up a dukie shoot. See! Smell them..."

So to hopefully help make some money to cover the costs of my trip, I'll be taking bets on my clone Jason (aka Bolo, Jwang, Chi Chi, Cranium, Iron Jay, Silver Dollar Jay, etc.), and what kind of play he'll get in Japan. Whether it be a kiss, a number or email, perhaps some road head, sit on face action, or even dirty rotten porno sex. Hell, I'll even take bets to see if he brings back a wife... or husband...

Now for those who don't know him, let me tell you what he's like. For starters, there's a reason why I call him my clone. It's because he's very similar to myself except his piece isn't nine and half flaccid. But other than that he's about 5'9, Chinese, buff, and looks like someone who just got off the boat and went straight to Urban Outfitters. He's also equally as gay/metro as I am. You can put our closets together and find enough apparel to clothe a small nation. I'd say he's pretty sociable too so I think initiating conversation with these J-pop girls won't be a problem. What comes out of his mouth is another story though. I can barely understand him when he speaks English, so who knows how well it's going to go over with the Japanese.

So there you have it. Who's in? I'm thinking 3 to 1 on the email and number, and then up an odd from that. What do you say? Or you can name your own terms for your bets. The house is open.

Cafe Lumiere third impression:

It lives up to its title; it's luminous and redolent of film through the years. I can definitely write a whole thesis, probably just about a scene if I had to. But I'm trying to watch it through with no 'strategy' this time, to let the film tell me what to notice and note and be unable to forget. Rather than read it like a book, or repeatedly ask the camera what is it telling me, I want almost to author this film for myself, imagine myself as creating and caring for the contents of the screen. Basically before I start building the structures in earnest I want to have the utmost sympathetic substance. The first and second time through I mostly just watched the camera, a bad habit, but this time I saw more nuance in the personalities and the family and social situations.

Tomiko's album second impressions:

I'm obsessed with morning glory, could listen to its chorus for eternity. Neither can I resist the opening with its glowy fade-up--same feeling of awakening and taking shape as the intro of the last song that so slew me, Ai no Kakera--nor the fierce coloring she gives all the sustained lows, which is probably my favorite thing her voice does.

Overall I would dislike this album as I do Thai food. With too many flavors I don't so much experience as try to decoct a thing. I like music that's simple and perfected. But I can appreciate that there's less format for a studio pop artist wanting to have a more 'mature' sound. It wouldn't do to follow the guitar-pop formula of DAI, and it's alright that a superior form didn't quite emerge and gain confirmation yet.

A Day in the Life of a Metro

You know it's not easy being half gay. There's responsibilities we have, to maintain our metro status or else if neglected, they take away our metro card. And I'm not talking about my bus pass. I'm talking about our get out of manual labor card. Or our free porking pass when trying to be noticed amongst regular males.

But these are just the benefits. Looking this gay isn't easy. Well I guess it's easy when you're really gay. But when you're straight and just trying to look gay it becomes 10x more difficult. I don't know maybe it has something to do with the butt love.

Anyway, there's a standard of living that is required with this title. We have to be knowledgeable of certain topics that most guys would normally never hear of. For instance, when's the last time a regular guy went to a museum to check out the latest art exhibit? I'm guessing not since he last tried to bone the artsy-fartsy chick in his introduction to art class that he was forced to take in college.

Aside from knowing certain things, the most obvious of our duties lies within our appearance. And here clothing is not optional. It is a requirement. We have to keep track of the latest trends. If Hollywood says we should be wearing jock straps over our faces because it's cool, then damn it, give me a man thong so I can sniff the hell out of it!!!

But our appearance doesn't stop at clothing. And this is where I'm extra bitter right now. We have to have extra special hair styles. I can't exactly walk into a barber shop and ask for a fade. Nope, we have to grow it longer than your average male and get it styled with "product" instead of gel or hairspray.

The reason why I'm bitter today is because naturally I have a fro. Well not really a fro, more like I have pubes growing out of my head. It isn't pretty. So to prevent the nut sack head look, I regularly straighten my hair to make it look presentable by metro standards. Of course the usual chemicals I use are out of stock this week so I buy this other shit that burned a hole right through my skull. It hurt like a mo-fo. So here I am at work. Forehead and scalp with 3rd degree burns. I look like leprosy kicked my ass.

And this is where I stand. Hair looks good. Face looks like shit. And you're probably thinking, "So how is that different then any other day?" And I say on to you... well, um... something bad. I can't think of anything right now. It'll probably involve the words "Sit on face" and "F-U mother bitches!"

Samurai vs. Ninja

Yup, that's right. I still have way too much time on my hands. So here's my next article at Nozomi Online.

http://www.nozomionline.com/entertainment/samuraisvsninjas.html

Class yesterday definitely girded my desire to teach English, but not to foreign language speakers or kids who need to learn basic skills. I want to teach reading to English majors, for they know not how to read. They think that everything is an experience--to which reading about it is necessarily untrue--except reading, which is to them like no experience whatever. No concept of relating to an aesthetic object, just the truly true truth of the real, which cannot be talked about, to, with--little Ahabs they are, confounded by the 'about'ness of 'what are you talking about?'--reading between the lines and seeing nothing but white =O

Alright, I don't know how to begin this. I was thinking today about what I was going to say here but I forgot it, and I only thought about it 5 minutes ago! A blog is like the diary you used to have when you were a brat and my posts here are just like the ones of my old old diary I had long long long time ago. That's to say, rarely. But, a diary was private (unless someone come and read it) and a blog can be read by thousands of people if they want so. Ok,ok... Not many people read my blog, perhaps a person full of hope to find something here in my empty words do.
And here I am, complaining about life again. When was the last time? Not so far ago, I think. Dunno. But I was happy! I was happy until yesterday in a certain hour of the day when magically I realized that sometimes I have nothing and nobody... And that my imagination is so poor that I am not able to create a new life for myself!
And ha (that's a laugh), I was pondering today in the shower (hell, who asks me to find a pondering place like the shower, bearing in mind how expensive the water is in this building!) and while the water was hitting my back and from my lips crazy words were going out, I turned into tears... And no, I didn't cry because I was talking to myself (I know I'm insane so that's not something that afflict me anymore) but because of the words I let go... It is just that, suddenly... I thought (or realized) about that I've never done a worthwhile thing. All my dreams have gone directly to trash. And I know you're all going to say I still have many years to live and that I'm still young but, how do I know I won't die tomorrow? What if that happens and I die without having reached anything in my life?
All my dreams to trash, all the things I wanted to reach and couldn't, all the things I reached and didn't bear fruits...
My dream of going to university came true and... That's all. Where's the fruit? I haven't reached anything with it. My dream of learning the art of dubbing came true, I did a couple of little things, my mother paid a course to I learn and.... Where's all? Is it that I do all wrong or what?
Do you know how that is called? Do you know how to want to be and not to be is called? FAIL. That's the name and that's what I am nowadays. I'm a failure, a blunder.
I don't know who the fault is. I guess it's mine. It's the fault of that idiot shyness I try to hide every fucking day of my life and I cannot. Or it's maybe God's fault who doesn't want me in this world but would have a terrible remorse if he takes me and that's why he's trying I commit suicide. But that's not fair. I don't want to commit suicide! Do you think I'm not afraid of that? If you want to take me, well, take me! If you don't want, then don't and leave me here. A lot of clowns are needed in the world.
Nothing else a blunder has, than looking for new hopes of being something. I don't get tired of looking for it... And if it's my fate to die looking for something to be at life, then I'll look for it endlessly. I'm a blunder but I have no blunder-like talent. Perhaps that's why I cry when I think of it... Because I cannot accept it.

I seriously need to get out more.

The past weekend was quite exciting.

Friday--After taking some notes in Westin, my friend and I rode the elevator to the top floor and back down. It was a cheap thrill, but whatever. Then we checked out Nikko cuz she liked the "curved" design from the outside. Once we got in I think she wanted to leave. It was prolly too breezy for her, but I liked the feeling. Ever since I got my haircut, I stopped worrying about my hair getting messy; it's pretty easy to fix. And sometimes I get the feeling of singing "The Sound of Music". XD

Saturday--Checked out Weddings in Paradise--some expo to help potential brides (and grooms if they're dragged over there) with wedding stuff. The only thing I liked about the expo was cake tasting. Honestly, I never really put much thought into "my future wedding". I don't know why. Anyway, after getting bored with the expo, my friends and I checked out more of the hotel. They have a pond with koi and a Japanese-style bridge. Then we checked out the view of the ocean and continued to hmm, what do you call it? Well, let's just say we went down to the rocky beach area. Good thing we wore sneakers. It was fun. Getting back up was hard cuz the hill was steep. One of my friends started humming the Rocky theme and I just kept laughing. I ran out of breath and almost fell to the ground laughing. Maybe it's a girl thing, but we went to the restroom to freshen up. When I wiped my glasses, the lens popped out and the screw got out of place. So, hahaha, sheesh, we sat on a couch so I could fix my glasses. My friend held the frame and lens in place while I tried to put the screw back, but I dropped it. I gave up looking for it and decided to just wear my glasses with my left eye closed. Haha, it felt odd so I just went around without my glasses. The strangest feeling, really. Good thing I didn't have to drive. I didn't expect my friends to feel determined in getting an eyeglass repair kit, but they did anyway. ;__; The screw driver didn't really work, but the screw fit so I tried to put put it in with my fingernail. It went half-way, but haha, it was enough. Next time, I should just bring an eyeglass repair kit with spare screws.

Nothing interesting happened on Sunday.

I live on a small island. People think there's nothing to do here. I guess they've done and seen everything already, but I hope more things like this happen.

My previous post was a very self-centered one about my habits of object-love, which are no doubt inequitable. I would still submit that this part of human life--reflexively being attracted to, or more importantly enjoying, something--has little to do with fairness in the moment of enjoyment. Especially since this little apologia comes from everything I've read lately and haven't processed enough to be able to reproduce, I beg forgiveness.

When you're watching a movie or reading a book there are elaborate set-ups you've made beforehand, you know how to read, you know cliches and conventions, etc. But there's a point where you give yourself over to the appearance in a way, isn't there? A point where you cease trying to appreciate and your feelings become automatic. These feelings come from both it and from you. It thus follows that a biased person may expect to have biased feelings in this moment of spontaneous appreciation. What if not biased (and biasing) is love at first sight? The iris shots in West Side Story: beauty is an oasis, but it comes out of the same world as all tensions.

From the inside of my mind...

I was watching Ayumi's "Born To Be..." music video just now, and it got me thinking--but before you Ayumi haters write me off, hear me out.

As some of you already know, I was especially impressed by her latest music video, "Born To Be..." But what got me thinking during the video is how consistent she has to be as an artist--how consistent all great artists have to be. Whether it be Do As Infinity, m.o.v.e, Green Day, James Newton Howard, or any artist, the key to being a success is to continuously impress. Not to just settle for being a good artist, but to do something that people will remember you for; to rise above normal expectations of putting out "solid" work, but to work your butt off to do something special. Even if it isn't to the liking of everyone, or even to the liking of your normal audience, you've got to try to get people's attention. That is to say, don't pump out random crap and see how the audience reacts, but to try your best and to get your audience talking. Because if you try something new and fresh, where some people love it and some people hate it, you've at least created what media and message boards are all about-discussion. So for all of those artists, it elevates beyond just being consistent, but having to be consistently impressive.

It's one thing to consider how tough it has to be for the artist/artists involved in the creative process, and it's another to actually be a person involved in the creative process. I happen to fall on both sides, really. No, I'm not a professional, and no, I'm not yet an up-and-comer. But I'm at least working my way on becoming one-a director, to be exact (my dream? To direct videogames. Believe it.). I can't imagine the pressures I'll face in the future, but I at least have experienced some of it. To be honest, I even worried myself sick (literally) this past Thursday to Friday afternoon. In high school, I acted and wrote for three years (didn't do a whole lot Freshman year); in my first year of college alone, I directed, edited, and worked behind a camera (as camera man, which I found isn't my strongest area...). And my video team now puts out weekly newscasts to on the school's news channel (in which we get most of the editing done at the eleventh hour due to our schedules). I'll even pull news anchor duties in the near future, something I practiced in high school, to a limited extent.

It's tough, but it's a learning experience-one that I'm glad to go through. I'm finally working my way toward that dream, as hopelessly lame as that sounds. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that a lot of us are somewhat in artist's shoes, even if we're not artists ourselves. We're aiming to impress that teacher, that parent, and that girl or guy that we have our eyes on. We've got the pressure on us to really live up to, and surpass expectations. I'm not saying that these expectations are always reasonable, or even sane, but they're there. I dunno, but if you look at it like that, we've all kind of got that pressure going on (even if we don't have hundreds of thousands fans eagerly awaiting our next move). I wonder if I'll be able to consistently impress people with my work in the future?

I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I just had some of this stuff on my mind as I was watching the video, and the thoughts grew as I wrote this post. Since it's more of more like some sort of rant than it is anything else, I'll end it here. O.o

The problem with my new theorem as to why I especially like Asian girls, which is otherwise movingly elegant, is that it depends on my being basically loving of and interested in others, in spite of negativity determining my tastes (resentment of other races for persecuting me). This leap of faith about my character is unproblematic to me--and no one can refute it--but I don't have a good explanation. It's definitely true that I remember very well just what persons have shown me extraordinary kindness, when and where. Then again, that is everyone.

These are my two obsessions this semester: the minimum prerequisite of feeling oneself part of the world, some frame of blind trust; and the difference between aesthetics and magic. What happened, what I see them as having done, or having the potential to this day to do--'what' in short do I see:

Every Little Thing, "When you were born into the world, what did you see?"

Nabokov, "Beauty plus pity. That is the closest we can get to a definition of art."

"I'm so sorry about this.."

"..very very sorry about my dog, he's always like this. The leashes are tangled! Say, lunch on Saturday?"

Okay, maybe there is a lot more that goes before that last line. This is an age old secret no one ever told me about! Or at least I haven't paid too much attention to it before. Dogs are really different from humans in that no matter how big or small, they'll run at each other and start barking to the dismay of two leash-pulling owners. (People aren't like that, except for an awesome few who give you a smile whether they know you or not.) Sometimes the dogs go at each other; sometimes they go straight for the other guy; it's a hilarious fiasco to watch. I'll admit that it opens up the chance for conversation. They don't even have to go up to someone and say, "hey, nice dog!" -- the dog does the talking for them! But the baffling thing is, once they start talking, they become completely oblivious to their two gigantic dogs scrambling around.

Drinking has never really appealed to me, I guess. Drinking socially, slowly increasing your blood alcohol level, seems especially weird. Probably that's because I'm used to being hyper in social situations. Maybe. But I find very attractive somehow the idea of drinking in the morning, drinking all day, starting right along with pre-breakfast coffee. I think that is romantic and beautifully decadent. It makes me think of riding bicycles slowly and tortuously without a helmet, of picnics and Leonard Bernstein conducting with a cigarette. Ha none of this reflects my personal habits, but somehow my actual habits and my perceived tastes have grown vastly riven.

Anyway I'm turning twenty-one very soon. Van's album is coming out two weeks from yesterday so I can hope for that as a present, what else I'm not sure. I'm more thinking what shall I do to mark the occasion. Something with my family I guess. Maybe a satellite occasion where the discourse is freer (i.e. Sapporo on George Street to ogle the Tomoko Kawase-resembling server there).

~ Cafe Lumiere (my new favorite movie) DVD came the other day and I just rewatched the ending. It's a lot more detailed than I remembered. My paper was correct in spirit and incisive enough but could have said some more important things more concretely. Frankly it's a paper I wasn't ready to write--I was confusing the task of six pages with the ambition of forty.

I should have looked more and talked less because the totally linear, if slightly recondite, argument I was trying to make is actually spelled out in the film. The third-to-last shot in which Yoko meanders out of frame finds the camera in the same position as Yoko is in the the second-to-last: basically she's moved around/behind where it was, or displaced it, so it was where she is, and it is where she will be: Wo Es war, soll Ich werden. (Where id was, there ego shall be).

Alternatively the person (well, subject) starts to appear when the object reappears--which is to say after it has disappeared, or 'become implicit.' Gross oversimplification of my own armchair theorizing... Oh well, still Spring Break.

My Sassy... White Girl?

Damn you Hollywood for stealing that what is still interesting to me. Why can't you let me enjoy my fobness in private? Why do you have to bring it over and mainstream things?

I just recently found out that my favorite Asian movie is being re-made into an American movie. 'My Sassy Girl', a Korean romantic comedy, is about this guy who meets a feisty girl, and has to jump through a bunch of hoops just to be with her. It's funny as hell and very romantic.

But what I don't get is how they can translate the story to fit a U.S. audience. I mean the whole point of the movie is that it's highly irregular to find an outgoing, blunt, openly offensive girl in the Korean culture. But here, you find that more often than not. You might as well just call it, 'My typical bitch'.

So who knows. I'm on the fence about this. But one thing that does interest me, is who they supposedly casted to play the main character. Rachael Leigh Cook. She is one hot piece of... Well lets just say I've been a big fan of her since I saw 'She's all that'. And I can kind of picture her playing this role. So perhaps this movie has potential.

And to be honest, I'm kind of upset that I haven't worked on converting some of the asian films and animes I've seen into possible American films. I've seen things that I think will make excellent American adaptations. In fact, I'm attempting to try and write one based on a particular anime. But that's a whole other story of why I'm a no talent idiot...

That and well most re-makes are never as good as the original. No matter what, there will always be a comparison. And the general consensus is usually that in favor of the first. Just like when I took a lot of criticism for writing that re-make, "Finding Emo'.

Fish1: "Oh my God! Where's Emo? He was just here a second ago!"
Emo: "AAAAAhhhhh!!!! This sucks! You fish will never understand the things I have to go through! You now what it's like having these white stripes?!?! I HATE IT! I HATE YOU ALL! LIFE SUCKS!!!"
Fish2: "Um... I hear him over there..."

Updates and manga's

So happy Daiforum is back at last, at first I could not believe it..^0^

Still busy as hell, so little time to be on9, even for mere browsing, I do'nt even talk about serious blog entries...

Still, feels good to know a place were the buddies are, be it here, or in 2DL, or in Daiforum....

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Emptying my mind with manga's, finished GTO, now starting Rurouni Kenshin: funny how those echo with my life, or is it me searching for mirrors, I do not know...

Manga's remind me more of the "feuilleton genre" , which was very popular in France with authors like Eugene Sue, or Alexandre Dumas, or Dickens in UK. So far away from the "comic strips" genre as we see it here in Belgium: thin albums in big format, a regular 46 pages in full colours, less coded, and more descriptive (as far as I know). I like how the narration in manga's is faster, and in a way more "violent". Am I feeling more violent myself? Do I feel like strolling around with a sakabatou, or a gun? I think not, since everything happens in my imagination, since the characters' almond shaped eyes and SD gimmicks remind me of their non-real status.

Only the feelings remain, some quotations that linger deep in mind. And always for the best. A Japanese hero is never perfect in the way Western societies envision it: perfection in Asia means Good balanced perfectly by Bad (yes I simplify a bit ^^) : that way Inuyasha is a perfect moron, Eikichi is a pervert, and Kenshin is your regular candid guy. All three have in common to be uncommonly brave strong, and rightgeous, nevertheless...

Or, like in some Seinen manga's like "Monster" or "20th Century's Boys"(if you look for mind blowing plot, go get those!), reality is never as simple as good/bad dichotomy: in the end, you start wondering about values, even if "goodness" and "honesty" still win in the end.

So human, all in all...

Finished Andrei Rublev and Death24x, the former's ending being a revelation and that of the latter's not so much, at least to one who's read 'Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema' already.

Tarkovsky's use of camera movement is very choice, the constant change becoming the conductor of the scene in a way, always subtly reordering its contents and intensities. The timing of the bell's ringing, just at the point where the suspense is being forgotten, is outstanding, as is the final chromatic invasion.

Though no biopic the film does ultimately speak worlds not just about aesthetics but about being an artist. The hysterical tears of the bellmaker's son in a way marks the climax, and after that the artwork is emphatically freed from its creator. But the boy masterminded this huge effort to cast a bell with medieval technology, succeeded (avoiding execution in the process) and all he can think about is how the bell sounds wrong--as if his father never told him the secret of bellmaking. Your wish to create and your eventual creation are sky and sea at the horizon--at best an illusion of meeting. Or in other terms (Godard) once you know the kind of movie you like, the kind of movie you make can never be the same.

Not so much in Solaris but in this film I much prefer the way Tarkovsky's camera peruses minutiae of Nature to the way that a lot of Asian directors or say Malick seem to drool over Nature, though Kim Ki Duk has a knack for combining symbols of nature and civilization--like the extreme longs of the roads in Samaria or especially the caged bird thrown into the lake in The Isle. Real Nature appreciation I think should adopt a somewhat dispassionate stance and a casual momentum, a conversation rather than a prayer, in the same way as one should never excessively praise a person because the excess is all oblique self-talk.

Withdrawal

But not of the narcotic kind.

My Journalism teacher called us back one by one to discuss our grades. He says most of my papers are in the C range, and that my grade is a D because of some missed assignments. He recommended that I withdraw from the class (deadline is Friday to withdraw) and try to take it again once my writing has improved, and also since I'm a Freshman (Freshmen usually don't take the class).

I'm kinda disappointed, but I guess it would be for the best. I'll have a small advantage if I take it again next semester, anyway. I'm gonna talk to my mom about it for a second opinion later, and then make my decision. The worse part is that I really worked my ass off in that class, and it's come down to this. Blah.

How to get laid in Japan

http://www.myxxxblog.com/pages/jokes/laidguide.html

Fob: "Ladies!!!! Excuse me can you tell me where the high school girls are? My friend's looking to spend a night in a Japanese prison."
School girls: "Hehehe... You arrerican?"
Fob: "Oh you likes huh? My friend love you long time..."
School girls: "Hehehe...."

I thought I had it all planned out. It was going to be a shady operation just like when I went to Vegas to get those massages. But in light of recent information I may have to rework my plan.

If you haven't heard, in three weeks I'll be officially on vacation and on my way to foreign booty in the land of the rising sun, Japan. But I've been there done that. The international pimp trip was done many years ago and this time I'm really more interested in the sight seeing. But that's me.

This trip I won't be going alone. My heterosexual life partner has decided he needs a break from the corporate bullshit too and has decided to come along for the party. But he's never been to Japan. And like any guy who travels to a foreign country for the first time, he wants to test his game in fresh waters. Who can blame him...

So I figure as the ambassador to asian poon, I was going to give him a heads up on what to do. But one of my good buddies has saved me the trouble and forwarded me a blog on how to get laid in Japan. Hopefully, my HLP will not F-it up and end up masturbating in a hot spring to 70 year old fobs. That's my job. I dig the cougars.

You live. You learn.

Today I had a day off--Charter Day. But I still feel like I wasted a day not doing any actual school stuff. Ahh, MIDTERMS! (>__<) I have three left: 2 math and 1 interior design. All I did today was listen to a conference for my psych project and get price quotes for a project in interior design. I'll help my friend design her room with a budget less than $150. (We're poor college students!) I'd say we did a pretty good job today looking for stuff we need. Prolly by the end of this week we'll buy the stuff we checked for about $75 hopefully before discount. Haha, we're really stretching it, but I think we can deal and make a really good room. It's a good thing the room is small so we won't need so much paint. I just wonder when we'll get started on this.

Just about done with Death 24x a Second

Provisionally I have some pretty big disagreements with Mulvey. But more profoundly and historically think DVD watching has much more in common with video games than with cinema. Complex video games have a narrative 'drive' that is halted by play sequences, or held back. It's been speculated that advancing this plot, or in other (pretty much Mulvey's) terms acting in service of the death drive, is the main impetus for players to persist in a hard game and also the main source of ludic (rous--I hate that word) pleasure therein.

I guess the big question must be, How strict is the formal separation between game and narrative? How do their goals differ? Especially in an extremely open-ended 'role-playing' game is it really true that an inevitability of ending/death manifests of its own accord (notwithstanding practical concerns in the real world)? Months ago I would have said, no, when the cutscene ends and Squall is standing in the infirmary there is a dead stop of narrative momentum that can only be restored by a radical and irrational intervention. Perhaps the 'internal audience' with an imperative to play subsumes the player through the closed loop of the interface? Even so, part of what makes it an RPG is the player's arbitrary power not to play, to let it sit... But maybe that is just a sort of, well, neuteredness in RPGs whereby they're always exerting only a weak narrative impetus, where time is broken from the beginning but always there--its repair no less a goal for the impossibility of the task. As a contrast you see fighting games or other more athletic types where time hardly matters except as rhythm.

On a more positive note the digressions about (movie) stars and fandom were pretty helpful, crystallizing what I vaguely understood and making me cognizant of some truly new ideas too. For the most part the lessons of this book are ones that I might have learned just from obsessively replaying and screen-capturing music videos; in fact I made a very prescient commen to this effect a few months ago (You can't tell by looking... you have to see by obsessively replaying). But I never saw the broader linkages: star, almost-stillness with gesture, like dance, the essential tension between correct motions and stillness that pushes for and to an extreme of control--hence the aspiration of the human toward the mechanistic. That's an alarming idea that I don't so thoroughly appreciate yet. I've only thought of it in reference to the face of a model before, the beauty of an uncommunicative look, or the minimal gesture (for example, Tomiko's mouth in the Farewell PV--telling virtually all there is to tell; she 'lives in her mouth').

Panic! At the Disco

Hey everyone, just have to recommend a band I just checked out--they're called Panic! At the Disco, and they're pretty damn good. I've been hearing about them, but never got a chance to check them out until tonight. Check out their PureVolume page for two free MP3s: "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide Is Press Coverage" and "Time To Dance (Demo)." The former of the two songs is maddeningly addictive, and the second song is really good, too. Enjoy them!

Chile's got the first female president in its History.

Yahoooo. 'Till it finally came. We have the first female president in our history. And that's pretty interesting bearing in mind this is a terribly male-chauvinist country. Especially in politics world. Men do this, men do that...

Honestly, I don't really care about colors here. I don't care if she's socialist and I wouldn't care if she were right-winged. I do only care her FEMALE position.
Do you know how it feels seeing a woman for first time there in the Congress, promising before the Constitution, with that three colors strip? Huh, I felt proud of being Chilean again! I felt proud because my country was able to make a difficult decision, bravely. Because it was difficult. Let's face it.
I barely feel proud of being Chilean, I admit it. The history in our shoulders is bitter, I'd say. I wish I could turn back in time and delete a day in History of Chile's books. Not because the fact itself (I've always thought IT had to be done but not in THAT way), but the pain after all. There is still so much hatred, so much intolerance... People sometimes give their hatred as a legacy. You see kids yelling out for things they don't even understand. Sometimes I think Chile doesn't want to get out of its past. Past is past; we must face it, damn it! We don't have to forget the past but we cannot live forever there, these are not the 70's nor the 80's, Jesus.
I don't know if things in that context are going to change with this presidential period (honestly, I doubt it) but at least, I can say we are changing or little vision of world. At least we dared to change something.
Certain person told me that, even when we have a female president, she'd base into the known model and that's made by men. So the change wouldn't be that much. What this person does not get is that, politics is just one and you'll always follow the model you think is the best according with your thoughts and that's out of the gender issue. The important thing here is, who represents our country now. Who is THE FACE of this game.

Well, I even took a picture of the President today. I live near the Government Palace so I went there to wave Mrs. Bachelet and take a picture. And I could do it! :)

I think Tomiko Van may gaze out with a business-like expression more attractively than anyone else, owing to her nose. This new video is very gorgeous. Mostly it's excessive, the light-saturation, the low shots in the glowing grass, the indispensible breezes and so on. All told it's a very tactile video. The way the cam is always moving through things, or light is moving almost through her, is much like touch, an elaborating touch even, a feeling-out... But that's just the air's movement and her movement and the camera's movement commingling; they inevitably make some kind of a lather.

















Here it's turned in and tilted but she has a very sleek profile, aquiline, raptor-esque, or rather like a falcon's. Even in an absolutely perpendicular profile all eyes real and imaginary parallel it is uncommonly lovely; any more aerodynamic and it would seem abhuman, certainly not feminine, but as it is it's just superb.

Something savage perhaps? Especially that one part where it's shining under her throat and she almost disappears--it's implicitly pretty violent. But the ending is just sad. Her mouth opens -> white flash -> long shot: play of wind/light both in the face-to-face and the afar. It's not austere, not an erasure; it's a bereavement. Truer to the nature of loss and sadness, that 'something' in you doesn't abscond and vanish; it just turns deepeningly untouchable.

Faster than Life

I'm hyped. This is going to be the weekend that I get things rolling. I know, I know, I say it to myself every week, I've said it to myself for the past month, but this is it. I don't care what happens tonight and tomorrow and every day after that, but I'm ready to start doing what I've planned out for life.

We got our yearbook deadline done! I guess our group partially owes it to Ying, who treats Tommy like a dog on a leash. I'm serious! I'm sure it's all in good intention to get the work done (and it works, as shown) but sometimes I'm scared Tommy's going to pull a heart attack. One day I've got to film it and title it "Yearbook SM". I'm just glad it isn't me. But hey, we're getting our A's right? The end justifies the means.

The band's Pancake Breakfast happens tomorrow morning and I signed up for bright and early six in the morning. I still haven't sold a single ticket; I was never a sales kind of person, reasoning being I hate it when people try to convince me to buy things (did I ever write about the time I pledged 10$ to the local police force and never paid it? I'm a total sucker for telemarketers) so it reflects when the roles are switched. Or if you prefer to say so, then I just plainly suck at fundraisers. Maybe I'll be able to grab some wanderers at the breakfast without tickets to sell them to.

It's gonna be one of those weekends...

Alright, so I'm physically and mentally exhausted. It's hard for me to focus on the task at hand because my mind is just out there and all over the place. It was a busy week, it's gonna be a busy weekend, and at least the next two weeks are gonna be really, really hard. I guess that's what college is all about, but it's no more bearable.

Unfortunately, there's no rest for me-it's Friday night, and I can't go to see my uncle in New York for his birthday (by the way, Happy Birthday, uncle Shaun!) because I'm gonna have to work all weekend to get my second Child Psychology journal handed in late (minus some credit), math work, and a Journalism article done. The only way I can possibly do it all in the next two days is to work without taking too many breaks, and starting the moment I finish this post (hopefully I can at least knock off most of the Journalism article).

The only thing keeping me sane at the moment are Doritos, Gatorade, and Do As Infinity's Tangerine Dream single. Ayumi's newest single (Startin'/Born To Be...) is awesome, too (especially the video for Born To Be...). That should help keep my mind focused as I write...maybe.

Hi.

As of 1:55pm in Riverside, California, I am 20 years old in Bombay, India. Which means that in some twisted way, my moving to California when I was young, I stole 13.5 more hours of life from Death Himself.

I think I'll update again when it's my adjusted(actual) birthday, March 11th, 3:25am. But maybe not... I might be too drunk to do it.

And that's all folks.

I got returned a paper today and the professor had written on the back, David, I think you're being brilliant here, but this is so turgidly written it's hard to tell. Haha, it came off as a peculiarly un-qualified compliment to me--at the time; now I'm reconsidering. I've become sort of a believer in 'brut' writing when it comes to being technical or maximally forceful. Maybe it's so that the reader will have no illusions as to what they're agreeing to: They understand truly or have no clue; read on or walk away. Probably it's just unstylishness as trend. Writing style is a perpetual humbug to me and sometimes rockets to the status of bugbear. I can't help imitating, however feebly, whomever I read. Even when it's some perfectly dogmatic, syntactically monotone theory--I wanna be that voice. I'm not too worried though. I was in love with someone who was mildly autistic, and sometimes I fancy that while my ego was projected into her it got infused with some of that hypersensitivity and defensive detachment that makes my writing exhibit A) shameless apeing of other's styles B) stammering turgidity. That is such a flighty thing to think: that would be like the premise of the movie The Other Sister with autism as the gimmick/human cause adorning the plot.

Jeez, I feel like a loser.

I actually didn't post this in my blogger. It's acutally from my LJ, but since we're posting about how things are going in our lives, I figured this would okay. I touched up the rambling and what not.

Aite. Here's a blow by blow account of my weekend (friday included). Sorry if I ramble, I just want to get this out of the way.

My friend Varun and I were jubiliant at getting through midterms, so we just wanted to get drunk.

I stayed up all night on thursday/friday morning to make it to my theatre class at 8am. I do, and then I head to Bio. It's 10am, and I head back to the dorms and knock out. I wake up at 5pm or so, and chill for a little bit. Around 9pm, Varun and I walk to Taco Bell. I had eaten dinner already, so I just got two supreme chalupas. We then head to Rite Aid, where I get shampoo and a pack of Titan Phillies (the most ghetto, cheap-ass cigars money can buy). I head back to the dorms. It's around 10 or 11pm. I chill, watching my hallmate Josh owning Zelda 64 Ocarina Of Time. Crystal (my hallmate, who was a total "twinkie" and I took it upon myself to "Asian-ize," like getting her into anime, manga and J and K music) really needed to smoke something so I gave her one of my cigars. Then Crystal, Kenta and I head down to the smoking area. Crystal can't really handle the cigar, and it doesn't have any nicotine, so she gives hers to me. We all finish up and head back to the hall.

Now, it's saturday morning 1:00am, So we head into Lex's room and I drink 12 shots of vodka in a very short amount of time.I was floored, but I stayed up until 6 or 7 am doing various things all while very intoxicated, like drunk dialing a bunch of people, browsing myspace, chilling in Crystal's room watching Gackt videos of all things, then I pass out on my bed.

I wake up at 3:00pm, with no hangover and hang out in my hall. Now it's saturday night, 9pm or so, and I promised Varun I'd try and get some alky, so I go on a beer run with Lex and Caroline, who just came back from the beach. They owed Kenta a 40oz of mickeys, but I offered to cover it. So I get three 40oz Mickey's and a 12 pack of Newcastle Brown Ale. Lex and Caroline owe me 10 bucks. I shove 2 Mickey's and a 12 pack of newcastle into my backpack. I knew it looked really obvious. We then head back to the dorms. The other Mickeys 40 and the other 12 pack went into a bag in the trunk of Caroline's car.

We brought that all up into the hall, and I headed into my room, putting makeshift padding in my backpack to keep the bottles from clinking, picking up my ipod, my lighter and the three cigars that were left. I then walked over all the way to Stonehaven Apartments(a good 30 minute walk), past a cop, with my obvious rectangular backpack, and head over to Varun's place to get drunk and rewatch all of Live Action Great Teacher Onizuka.

One Mickeys 40 and 4 Newcastles later(each), having drunk dialed some people again, and eaten all of Shiv's chips, Varun and I went and smoke two of those Titan Phillies. He had his own pack, which I had made him purchase when we went to Rite Aid on Friday, because he kept mooching off of my during our previous drunk adventures. So anyway, we came back, polished off the leftover Newcastles, and walked to Denny's (A good 45 mins away). Stupid, aren't we? We got kicked out for being drunk and disorderly and they threatened to call the cops, hahaha. We headed back to the apartment and Varun crashed. I listened to some Filter on my ipod, then I knocked out too.

I woke up at 11:00, no hangover, and watched tv for a while. Varun gets a call from Shiv saying that his Mom is going to come in when he arrives at 2:15 or 2:30, and so we should clean the place up. I took out the trash, and then around 2:00, we headed to Jack In The Crack...I mean, Jack In The Box. I got two regular tacos and the spicy chicken combo. Mmmm. We headed back, and Shiv had come back from home. I then chilled and watched Varun and his guild make some big breakthroughs in World Of Warcraft. My Dad called and I talked to him for 50 minutes, and I headed back to the dorms around 7pm. I checked on my downloads, hung out with hallmates, and now in 30 minutes I have to walk to the foxhole at Pentland to rehearse the play with people from my theatre class. I think when I come back I should pick the times for my classes because I need to register tommorrow. Bio5c is waitlisted. From a class size of 300 for 5b, 5c has a maximum of 200, so they expect 1/3 of us to fail.

Anyway that was my weekend.

I think I'll leave this out of my blogger.

Creepy

I felt so weird at work today. One of the guys was asking about my friend (since he saw us together last week): how old she is, if we went to high school together, what kind of car she drives, etc. I think he even asked if she has a dog, but I thought he asked me if I had a dog.

And I dunno, haha, for a moment I felt ugly because this friend seems to get a lot of guys asking her out. But they tend to come off as stalkers. XD So I guess that's "x" less problem(s) for me to deal with.

Squenix fun

I can't wait until Kingdom Hearts II is released here...only weeks away! The first Kindgom Hearts is one of my fave games, so I'm pretty hyped for this one's release. The next great escape from reality? Naturally.

On Sunday night, Jennifer Garner presented at the Oscars, and was already looking great, coming out of a pregancy and everything. But in my eyes, Nicole Kidman looked the best. She's like a real-life fairy or something. ^_^

Also, I found this pic of Hitomi (YG) on her blog:

I wish there were posters for Advent Children like that over here. I wanna take a picture in front of one. I also wish I didn't have to wait until the end of April for it to come out... >_<

Less than 8 weeks left of my first year of college-38 days total; 23 more Video and Math classes; and 15 more Psychology, Journalism, and Literature classes, to be exact, haha. The year just flew by...

Brokeback Mountain

I went to watch "Brokeback Mountain" today with my girlfriend.
After so many awards and expectations I was really curious about it and of course, since it was a movie about gays I was even more interested. I couldn't expect a little about it. I wanted to watch a well done movie, something that finally gave some room in this narrow world. However, "Brokeback Mountain" kept just expectations.
It is not a bad movie, it doesn't stigmatize gay people, it doesn't make them look womanlike but cinematographically speaking it is not a bog thing. Besides, I think there are much more better ways to tell a gay story.
The movie is slow and during a lot of moment I preferred to stare at my girlfriend's silhouette. The movie has many true deals, for example, the fact of feeling that everybody is watching you and knows about your truth or like always one of the parties can't or doesn't want to leave the "normal" life. The movie shows the long distance relation, the pain of needing and not having the other party but, the movie also forgets things like the pain of keeping secrets.
It is not a great movie and I must sadly say that its success is just the "novelty" result.
It could be better, much better.

A Different State of Mind

Talking to me sober:
You: "Hey, how's it going Fob?"
Me: "Pretty good. I've been really busy with work and stuff but I'm getting by."

Talking to me when I'm drunk:
You: "Hey, how's it going Fob?"
Me: "Shut your face, you piece of hate! Haha... I'm just playin'. *grabs yours ass* You're cute. *doesn't matter if you're a guy or girl* I'd sit on your face if I didn't wet myself already..."

I wouldn't call myself Jekyll and Hyde. More like Popeye before and after his spinach. Haha... I guess that makes sense since I like my women like Olive Oyl. But if you've known me with and without alcohol then you've noticed there's a big difference in the way I act sober and under the influence.

Without alcohol I think I tend to always be half asleep. You can tell I'm a tired lazy bum. Which is why I'm pretty chill and relaxed most of the time. But you get that booze in me and for some reason I start to change. The heart starts to beat faster, my eyes open up, and that's when my mouth starts running. I say all kinds of crap that usually gets me an extremely ugly girl hanging on my arms, or my closest friends worried I might shoot them in a drunken rage.

I'd say most of the time I'm a happy drunk. I laugh like a little girl, smile a lot, and just make a lot of stupid jokes. But every once and while when there's a full moon and the stars are aligned, I turn into this inebriated prick who offends people. I say things without thinking things through. I guess that's why I lost that job as a beer taster.

Bartender: "Here's a dark lager. It's suppose to be crisp and clean. What do you think?"
Fob: *downs the whole thing* "Oh that's great bitch! I like how it makes you look a lot more attractive than what you really are. What's your name sexy?"
Bartender: "Yeah, um, are you okay? You passed out for two minutes in between those sentences."
Fob: "I'm good ho. Now get me another beer Coyote Ugly. My cup'eth run dry!"

Which is why I've been learning to moderate my alcohol intake. I can't drink too much or else I turn into a drunk bastard. And as I get older I realize that it's become unacceptable. So cheers to those who continue to drink with me. Let the good times roll. But my apologies if I end up slapping you like you're my bitch. Just know that I got much love for you... As long as you pay me on time I won't have to choke you.

DAI Forum - Blogs United...

After reading Inu's post I started thinking as well about the forum and how I miss you bastards. (You know how hard it is to rape you all now?) And I think it has become harder to stay in touch now that we lost our medium to communicate. So I thought of this. Why don't we add all our blogs so we just have to look in one place to see what each other is writing? We can still post our blogs on our regular site but just copy and paste it here so everything is in one spot. Or you can just come here to read what's going on in each other's lives. Just email me if you want to be added here. What do you think?